n this, he began to beat his snuff-box with a very saucy
air; and opening it again, "Faith, Isaac," said he, "thou art a very
unaccountable old fellow--Pr'ythee, who gave thee the power of life
and death? What hast thou to do with ladies and lovers? I suppose thou
wouldst have a man be in company with his mistress, and say nothing
to her. Dost thou call breaking a jest telling a lie? Ha! is that
thy wisdom, old stiffback, ha?" He was going on with this insipid
commonplace mirth, sometimes opening his box, sometimes shutting it,
then viewing the picture on the lid, and then the workmanship of the
hinge, when, in the midst of his eloquence, I ordered his box to be
taken from him; upon which he was immediately struck speechless, and
carried off stone dead.

The next who appeared was a hale old fellow of sixty. He was brought
in by his relations, who desired leave to bury him. Upon requiring a
distinct account of the prisoner, a credible witness deposed, "that he
always rose at ten of the clock, played with his cat till twelve, smoked
tobacco till one, was at dinner till two, then took another pipe, played
at backgammon till six, talked of one Madame Frances, an old mistress of
his, till eight, repeated the same account at the tavern till ten, then
returned home, took the other pipe, and then to bed." I asked him,
"what he had to say for himself?"--"As to what," said he, "they mention
concerning Madame Frances--"

I did not care for hearing a Canterbury tale, and, therefore, thought
myself seasonably interrupted by a young gentleman, who appeared in the
behalf of the old man, and prayed an arrest of judgment; "for that he,
the said young man, held certain lands by his the said old man's life."
Upon this, the solicitor of the Upholders took an occasion to demand
him also, and thereupon produced several evidences that witnessed to his
life and conversation. It appeared that each of them divided their
hours in matters of equal moment and importance to themselves and to the
public. They rose at the same hour: while the old man was playing with
his cat, the young one was looking out of his window; while the old man
was smoking his pipe, the young man was rubbing his teeth; while one
was at dinner, the other was dressing; while one was at backgammon, the
other was at dinner; while the old fellow was talking of Madame Frances,
the young one was either at play, or toasting women whom he never
conversed with. The only difference wa