tead the first five chapters of the _Vicar of Wakefield_."

"Who suggested any such night as this, anyhow?" growled Carlyle. "Five
chapters of the _Vicar of Wakefield_ for a starter! Lord save us, we'll
need a Vicar of Sleepfield if he's allowed to do this!"

"I move we adjourn," said Darwin.

"Can't something be done to keep these younger members quiet?" asked
Solomon, frowning upon Carlyle and Darwin.

"Yes," said Douglas Jerrold. "Let Goldsmith go on. He'll have them
asleep in ten minutes."

Meanwhile, Goldsmith was plodding earnestly through his stint, utterly
and happily oblivious of the effect he was having upon his audience.

"This is awful," whispered Wellington to Bonaparte.

"Worse than Waterloo," replied the ex-Emperor, with a grin; "but we can
stop it in a minute. Artemas Ward told me once how a camp-meeting he
attended in the West broke up to go outside and see a dog-fight. Can't
you and I pretend to quarrel? A personal assault by you on me will wake
these people up and discombobulate Goldsmith. Say the word--only don't
hit too hard."

"I'm with you," said Wellington. Whereupon, with a great show of heat,
he roared out, "You? Never! I'm more afraid of a boy with a
bean-snapper that I ever was of you!" and followed up his remark by
pulling Bonaparte's camp-chair from under him, and letting the conqueror
of Austerlitz fall to the floor with a thud which I have since heard
described as dull and sickening.

The effect was instantaneous. Compared to a personal encounter between
the two great figures of Waterloo, a reading from his own works by
Goldsmith seemed lacking in the elements essential to the holding of an
audience. Consequently, attention was centred in the belligerent
warriors, and, by some odd mistake, when a peace-loving member of the
assemblage, realizing the indecorousness of the incident, cried out, "Put
him out! put him out!" the attendants rushed in, and, taking poor
Goldsmith by his collar, hustled him out through the door, across the
deck, and tossed him ashore without reference to the gang-plank. This
accomplished, a personal explanation of their course was made by the
quarrelling generals, and, peace having been restored, a committee was
sent in search of Goldsmith with suitable apologies. The good and kindly
soul returned, but having lost his book in the melee, much to his own
gratification, as well as to that of the audience, he was permitted to
rest in quiet the b