ys to him severe, 'and don't be wastin'
time on foolishness.'

"'Well,' says he, 'me father's been a bit sore on me lately, sayin'
I'm not livin' up to me repytation with him, but just spendin' money
on stars and bars, like annywan ilse, and managin' to dodge the
stripes. Do ye see the joke?' he says, stoppin'.

"'No,' says I, 'but it wouldn't be anny the better for me seein' it.
What's the ind of the fairy-tale?' I says.

"'The joke's about flags,' says he. 'Well,' he says, 'me old man bet
me I'd used up all the new ways of spendin' what he earned, and I took
the bet. If I sind him in the bill for something I niver tried before,
thin he doubles me allowance for six months. If I don't do it inside
of wan week, thin he cuts me allowance in half,' he says. 'And I ain't
allowed just to find something new in the shops and buy it.'

"'I ain't niver heard a better,' says I. 'Who wrote it?'

"'But don't ye see?' he says. 'That's why I want to be kidnapped--to
win me bet! They's money in it for both of us, me good man.'

"'Och,' says I, 'tell me but this wan thing,' I says, disgusted,
layin' me finger right on wan of the manny weak places in what he'd
been handin' me, '_why_ did ye want to make it ten thousand instid of
five, whin five would 'a' won your bet just as easy-like? Answer me
_that_!' I says.

"'Well,' says he, fidgittin' in his seat, 'well, you see--oh, I was
just wantin' to rub it in on the old man,' he says, stammerin'.

"'I'm glad I met ye,' I says; 'ye're the most bedivel'd and
all-amazin' liar I iver seen. If ye iver meet Mr. Roosevelt, he'll
choke to death tryin' to describe ye.'

"'Yis,' he says, 'I guess ye caught me. It does sound a bit queer whin
I come to think about it. But I'll tell ye what I'll do,' says he,
brightenin' up sudden-like, 'I'll take it all back!'

"So help me, it was too much for anny man! Whativer he was, I give him
up. And him settin' there lookin' at me like he was twelve years old!
Me brains was in a prespiration from tryin' to put a label on him, but
no sooner was they findin' a explanation of him than he goes to work
and proves thim wrong entirely. They might as well been a omelette in
me head. It was queer doin's, but what it was behind thim no wan could
be tellin'. 'This is me last kidnappin',' says I to mesilf. 'I want
something easy on me nerves like burglin', and I wish I was safe on
the East Side with me little human conundrum, bad scran to him, and
what is he smil