on the night, you bet!_" _i.e._, "Not going to be dictated to by _you_
anyhow."

* * * * *

"STANDS SCOTLAND (YARD) WHERE IT DID?"--Yes; only more so. And how kind
and thoughtful of the Government to order that the materials for
building the new Police Offices should be found and fashioned by the
Dartmore convicts. Quite a labour of love!

* * * * *

Correspondent, in _Times_ of Saturday, showed that, in Spite of increase
of population, there has been a decrease of drunkenness. In 1884-85
there were 183,221 drunken Police-court cases; but in 1887-88 only
166,366. Anti-temperance persons will look upon this as "a Drop too
much."

* * * * *

PICTURES OF THE YEAR THAT NO PATRON OF ART CAN POSSIBLY OVERLOOK.--Those
that are sky'd.

* * * * *

"SCOTS, WHA HAE."

(_New Version. Sung at the Opening of the Edinburgh International
Exhibition, May 1._)

[Illustration]

Scots, wha hae at Paris bled,
Scots, wham COOK hath aften led,
Welcome to the white, green, red,
Of your ain Great Exhibition.

Now's the day and now's the hour;
Though you have no Eiffel Tower!
See the bawbees pile and pour;
All the world shall crowd to see!

Wha will want to pinch and save?
Wha to see it will not crave?
Wha will not declare it brave?
Far from Edinbro' let him flee!

Wha will wish to see the sight
Of the graund electric light,
And the "Kiowatt" of might?
Caledonian! on wi' me!

Ninety acres on the plain!
Almost apes the Show by Seine.
Won't folk flock by tram and train
To our International Show.

Let the Incandescents glow,
Sixteen thousand, row on row!
SANDY all the world will show
He will beat the best--or die!

* * * * *

MODERN TYPES.

(_By Mr. Punch's Own Type-Writer._)

No. XI.--THE YOUNG GUARDSMAN.

[Illustration]

The Young Guardsman believes himself to be not only the backbone of the
British Army, its vital centre and support, but also its decorative
master-piece. Other officers, of whom the Guardsman is wont to speak
with a vague pity as belonging to "some line regiment," are not apt to
sympathise with him in this exalted estimate of his military position
and functions. They are accustomed to urge, that he is to the general
body of officers as gold lace is to the uniform he wears, a ga