period I was in a curious state of mind and body. Living in
the midst of so-called vice, I was at first both attracted and repelled.
Yet my strongest feeling was a hatred of the life I had formerly led,
and I was determined not to go back to it, happen what might. I should
probably have gone much farther than I did, had it not been for my love
for Terry, which made me feel that I did not want to throw myself
entirely away. So I did not know whether to go into the game entirely or
keep out of it. Terry did not try to influence me, but seemed to watch
me, to make me feel that he would stand by me in any event.

"For a time we were both of us dazed and stunned by our sudden change in
life. The change was much greater for Terry than for me. I don't know
what his thoughts and feelings at that time were. They must have been
terrible. For years he had lived, for the most part with his family, a
quiet, studious life, the life of contemplation; and now he was
suddenly plunged into the roar and din, with an ignorant and
disreputable girl on his hands whom he would not desert. We were
certainly on the verge of destruction. The inevitable would have
happened, for no other choice was left me, and I should have drifted
with the current and Terry would do and could do nothing.

"Just at the crucial moment, Terry met an old friend who offered him a
political job, organising republican workingmen's clubs, and Terry
accepted it. No one can understand how bitter this was to Terry. To work
for a political organisation was to him great degradation. He did it for
my sake, for the thirty-five dollars a week, so that I could be free to
live as I wanted. I did not realise at the time how much his sensitive
nature suffered, and I took poor advantage of the freedom his money and
character gave me. What an intolerable burden I must have been to him,
and yet he never even intimated a desire to leave me!

"I had an opportunity now to satisfy my desire for pleasure. Terry put
no obstacles in my way. Yet the cup already tasted bitter. I tried to
deny to myself that this life of pleasure was an illusion, and so I
plunged into the most reckless debaucheries: I really would be ashamed
to tell you of the things I did. I had affairs with all sorts of men,
many of whom I did not know whether I liked or hated--seeking always
excitement, oblivion. I frequented cafes where the women and men of the
town were to be found, and made many acquaintances. Two or th