nd then I can not leave this life--I can not give up London. I am like
a child--I like the bustling streets, the brilliant thoroughfares, the
crowds, the bands of music, the lights at night, and the sense of life. I
like to succeed, too, and to be admired, and--yes, to hear the clapping
of hands in a theatre. You are above all this, and can look down at it as
dross, and I like you for that also. But give it all up I can't; I
haven't the strength; it is in my blood, dear, and if I part from it I
must die.

"And then I like to be fondled and coaxed and kissed, and I want so
much--oh, so much to be loved! I want somebody to tell me every day and
always how much he loves me, and to praise me and pet me and forget
everything else for me, everything, everything, even his own soul and
salvation! You can not do that; it would be sinful, and besides it
wouldn't be love as you understand it, and as it ought to be, if you are
to go out to that solemn and awful task.

"When I said I loved you I spoke the truth, dear, and yet I didn't know
what the word meant really, I didn't realize everything. I love you
still--with all my heart and soul I love you; but now I know that there
is a difference between us, that we can never come together. No, I can
not reach up to your austere heights. I am so weak; you are so strong.
Your 'strength is as the strength of ten because your heart is pure,'
while I----

"I am unworthy of your thoughts, John. Leave me to the life I have
chosen. It may be poor and vain and worthless, but it is the only life
I'm fit for. And yet I love you--and you loved me. I suppose God makes
men and women like that sometimes, and it is no use struggling.

"One kiss, dear--it is the last."

XVIII.

John Storm went back to Victoria Square with a bright and joyful face and
found Mrs. Callender waiting for him, grim as a judge. He could see that
her eyes were large and red with weeping, but she fell on him instantly
with withering scorn.

"So you're here at last, are ye? A pretty senseless thing this is, to be
sure! What are you dreaming about? Are you bewitched or what? Do you
suppose things can be broken off in this way? You to go to the leper
islands indeed!"

"I'm called, auntie, and when God calls a man, what can he do but answer
with Samuel----"

"Tut! Don't talk sic nonsense. Besides, Samuel had some sense. He waited
to be called three times, and I havena heard this is your third time of
calling."