th day, and by the formula for the precession
of the equinoxes, squared by the parallelogram of an ellipsoidal
bath-bun fresh from the glass cylinder of a refreshment bar, we find
that we are now travelling in a perpetual circle at a distance of one
billion marine gasmeters from the Sun. I have now accounted for the
milk in the cocoa-nut."

"But not," said the Philosopher, as he popped up through a concealed
trap-door, "for the hair outside. That remains for another volume."
With that, he rang a gong. The iceberg splintered into a thousand
pieces. The voyagers were each hurled violently down into their
respective countries, where a savage public was waiting to devour
them.

* * * * *

TOLSTOI ON TOBACCO.

[Count TOLSTOI has been declaiming against Tobacco in
_The Contemporary Review_, and this in no way exaggerates
his views.]

TOLSTOI fuming, in a pet,
Raves against the cigarette;
Says it's bad at any time,
Leads to every kind of crime;
And the man who smokes, quoth he,
Is as wicked as can be.

TOLSTOI knew a man who said
He cut off a woman's head;
But, when half the deed was done.
Lo, the murderer's courage gone!
And he finished, 'tis no joke,
Only by the aid of smoke.

TOLSTOI asks us, when do boys
First essay Nicotian joys?
And he answers, quite aghast,
When their innocence is past.
Gamblers smoke, and then again
Smoking pleases the insane.

TOLSTOI, when he writes this stuff,
Swears he's serious enough;
Lately Marriage earned his sneers;
At Tobacco now he jeers;
Proving that, without the weed,
Some folks may be mad indeed.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SERENADE; OR, OVER THE GARDEN WALL.

(_Latest Transatlantic Version._)]

"Replying to Sir JOHN MACDONALD's manifesto, Mr. MERCIER said
it was ridiculous to say that reciprocity was veiled treason,
and meant annexation to the United States."--_Times' Montreal
Correspondent_.

_Uncle Sam (twangling his patent Reciprocity Banjo) sings_:--

Oh, my love my passion can hear--and see,
Over the garden wall;
She is sighing, and casting sheeps' eyes at me,
Over the garden wall:
Miss CANADA muses; look at her there!
My wooing and BULL's she is bound to compare,
And she pretty soon will to join me prepare,
Over the Garden Wall!

_Chorus_ (_pianissimo_).

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