e
pimps to his cow or makes a match for his mare; in all things else he is
surly and rugged, and does not love to be pleased himself, which makes
him hate those that do him any good. He is a stoic to all passions but
fear, envy, and malice, and hates to do any good though it cost him
nothing. He abhors a gentleman because he is most unlike himself, and
repines as much at his manner of living as if he maintained him. He
murmurs at him as the saints do at the wicked, as if he kept his right
from him, for he makes his clownery a sect and damns all that are not of
his Church. He manures the earth like a dunghill, but lets himself lie
fallow, for no improvement will do good upon him. Cain was the first of
his family, and he does his endeavour not to degenerate from the
original churlishness of his ancestor. He that was fetched from the
plough to be made dictator had not half his pride and insolence, nor
Caligula's horse that was made consul. All the worst names that are
given to men are borrowed from him, as villain, deboise, peasant, &c. He
wears his clothes like a hide, and shifts them no oftener than a beast
does his hair. He is a beast that Gesner never thought of.

A WOOER

Stands candidate for cuckold, and if he miss of it, it is none of his
fault, for his merit is sufficiently known. He is commonly no lover, but
able to pass for a most desperate one where he finds it is like to prove
of considerable advantage to him, and therefore has passions lying by
him of all sizes proportionable to all women's fortunes, and can be
indifferent, melancholy, or stark-mad according as their estates give
him occasion; and when he finds it is to no purpose, can presently come
to himself again and try another. He prosecutes his suit against his
mistress as clients do a suit in law, and does nothing without the
advice of his learned counsel, omits no advantage for want of
soliciting, and, when he gets her consent, overthrows her. He endeavours
to match his estate, rather than himself, to the best advantage, and if
his mistress's fortune and his do but come to an agreement, their
persons are easily satisfied, the match is soon made up, and a cross
marriage between all four is presently concluded. He is not much
concerned in his lady's virtues, for if the opinion of the Stoics be
true, that the virtuous are always rich, there is no doubt but she that
is rich must be virtuous. He never goes without a list in his pocket of
all the wido