fool," "mouskiter," etketary &c.

"When the 16th commendment passes," said sweet ELIZER HEMPIHL, who is
too pooty to be caught in sich company, "we will call for your skalp,
old man."

"Which topnot," was my reply, "wouldent furnish hair enough for a false
eyebrow."

I see they was goin, so I said:--

"My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your hosses a minnit, until
an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 yeer as Gustise of
the Peece, says a few remarks to you."

"When woman was taken out of man's ribs, it wasent calkilated she should
lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to
to-day. Woman in her natural element, is jest one of the _soothinest_
institutions in this ere land, which flows with milk-punch and
houey-sope, and what poor miserable critters man would be without her.

"Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen?

"Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wimmen?

"Who would cook our vittles, if it wasent for wimmen?

"And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and
demoralized, after havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer?

"Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state,
before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of
man's happiness, MASKALINE WIMMEN, man would be a poor shiftless koot.

"Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition. Get back
into your own harniss, and don't undertake to assoom the bifurkated
garments. It haint your forte, no more'n it is some of our public
offishals to keep from steelin."

I rattled away at 'em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last pair of
femail bifurkaters skoot for home, when I subsided into a chair, and
with my bandanner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my noble brow.

After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my offishal
duties, but I couldent help thinkin that if wimmen made such a
confounded hullabalo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote;
them air leaders, who air goin about the country like Internal Revenoo
offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will have a pile to
anser for, when woman becomes a component part of the body polertick.

Owe! woman, woman, how sweet you be,
When you're dressed up to kill,
I hope the time ile never see,
When man's place you all fill.

Take the advice of one which knows,
& try to shun the evil,
To s