course! I knew you were jesting. Now, uncle, all that
Kate and myself wish at present, is that you would oblige us with your
advice as--as regards the time--you know, uncle--in short, when will it
be most convenient for yourself, that the wedding shall--shall come off,
you know?"

"Come off, you scoundrel!--what do you mean by that?--Better wait till
it goes on."

"Ha! ha! ha!--he! he! he!--hi! hi! hi!--ho! ho! ho!--hu! hu! hu!--that's
good!--oh that's capital--such a wit! But all we want just now, you
know, uncle, is that you would indicate the time precisely."

"Ah!--precisely?"

"Yes, uncle--that is, if it would be quite agreeable to yourself."

"Wouldn't it answer, Bobby, if I were to leave it at random--some time
within a year or so, for example?--must I say precisely?"

"If you please, uncle--precisely."

"Well, then, Bobby, my boy--you're a fine fellow, aren't you?--since you
will have the exact time I'll--why I'll oblige you for once:"

"Dear uncle!"

"Hush, sir!" (drowning my voice)--"I'll oblige you for once. You shall
have my consent--and the plum, we mus'n't forget the plum--let me see!
when shall it be? To-day's Sunday--isn't it? Well, then, you shall
be married precisely--precisely, now mind!--when three Sundays come
together in a week! Do you hear me, sir! What are you gaping at? I say,
you shall have Kate and her plum when three Sundays come together in a
week--but not till then--you young scapegrace--not till then, if I
die for it. You know me--I'm a man of my word--now be off!" Here he
swallowed his bumper of port, while I rushed from the room in despair.

A very "fine old English gentleman," was my grand-uncle Rumgudgeon, but
unlike him of the song, he had his weak points. He was a little, pursy,
pompous, passionate semicircular somebody, with a red nose, a thick
scull, (sic) a long purse, and a strong sense of his own consequence.
With the best heart in the world, he contrived, through a predominant
whim of contradiction, to earn for himself, among those who only knew
him superficially, the character of a curmudgeon. Like many excellent
people, he seemed possessed with a spirit of tantalization, which might
easily, at a casual glance, have been mistaken for malevolence. To every
request, a positive "No!" was his immediate answer, but in the end--in
the long, long end--there were exceedingly few requests which he
refused. Against all attacks upon his purse he made the most sturdy
defence;