good will, that, as
the last glimpses of light died away within the apartment, he succeeded
in knocking out the brains of the little gentleman with the gout.
Rushing then with all his force against the fatal hogshead full of
October ale and Hugh Tarpaulin, he rolled it over and over in an
instant. Out burst a deluge of liquor so fierce--so impetuous--so
overwhelming--that the room was flooded from wall to wall--the loaded
table was overturned--the tressels were thrown upon their backs--the tub
of punch into the fire-place--and the ladies into hysterics. Piles of
death-furniture floundered about. Jugs, pitchers, and carboys mingled
promiscuously in the melee, and wicker flagons encountered desperately
with bottles of junk. The man with the horrors was drowned upon the
spot-the little stiff gentleman floated off in his coffin--and the
victorious Legs, seizing by the waist the fat lady in the shroud, rushed
out with her into the street, and made a bee-line for the "Free and
Easy," followed under easy sail by the redoubtable Hugh Tarpaulin, who,
having sneezed three or four times, panted and puffed after him with the
Arch Duchess Ana-Pest.

THREE SUNDAYS IN A WEEK

"YOU hard-headed, dunder-headed, obstinate, rusty, crusty, musty,
fusty, old savage!" said I, in fancy, one afternoon, to my grand uncle
Rumgudgeon--shaking my fist at him in imagination.

Only in imagination. The fact is, some trivial discrepancy did exist,
just then, between what I said and what I had not the courage to
say--between what I did and what I had half a mind to do.

The old porpoise, as I opened the drawing-room door, was sitting with
his feet upon the mantel-piece, and a bumper of port in his paw, making
strenuous efforts to accomplish the ditty.

Remplis ton verre vide!

Vide ton verre plein!

"My dear uncle," said I, closing the door gently, and approaching
him with the blandest of smiles, "you are always so very kind and
considerate, and have evinced your benevolence in so many--so very many
ways--that--that I feel I have only to suggest this little point to you
once more to make sure of your full acquiescence."

"Hem!" said he, "good boy! go on!"

"I am sure, my dearest uncle (you confounded old rascal!), that you
have no design really, seriously, to oppose my union with Kate. This is
merely a joke of yours, I know--ha! ha! ha!--how very pleasant you are
at times."

"Ha! ha! ha!" said he, "curse you! yes!"

"To be sure--of