enox on the beach
continued for a time. Suddenly they ceased: she came to the rendezvous
no more, and it was impossible for me to get near enough to her to seek
an explanation. I had felt quite dissipated and like a man of the world
when I jumped out of my bed half awake each morning with an appointment
on my hands. I had not told myself that it was bliss to meet her, and in
fact had smiled a little at the recollection that it had been she who
had asked me to join her ramble. Once or twice I had designated the
whole thing a bore, and had wished it might rain and let me have a
comfortable morning's nap instead of an hour or two with the most
beautiful of girls at a romantic trysting-place. But most men deceive
themselves about their feelings concerning women. When the first time I
did not find Georgina awaiting me (for my orders were to join her walk,
not to have her join mine) I lay on the rocks and took a nap until
Thorpe came along the beach as usual and awoke me. But when I had failed
to find her the second morning I was restless and disturbed. After two
more fruitless quests I grew by turns insanely jealous and wretchedly
self-distrustful.

Had I vexed her? What had I said? what had I done? I went over and over
again every word of our talks: every mood of hers, every blush and
glance and smile, lived again for me. We had spoken of many things those
mornings we had met, yet there had been small reference to our mutual
relations; and certainly if there were love-making on my part, it had
colored none of our moods to any passion. I had travelled and seen many
people: I had been introduced in courts, and had, by Mr. Floyd's
influence, penetrated into an exclusive and brilliant continental
society, where I had found much to observe. These reminiscences of mine
had delighted Georgina: she had the irresistible feminine instinct for
details, the analysis of which made a mastery of brilliant results
easily attainable to her who possessed, to begin with, remarkable
beauty, and, if not tact, so bewildering a way of doing what she chose
that in the eyes of men at least she lacked nothing which grace and good
taste could teach her. She was always anxious, too, to hear everything
concerning Mr. Floyd--his friends abroad, his habits, his _vie intime_
at certain houses which had been his favorite lounge for years while he
was minister at ----. Garrulity was by no means my habit in those days,
but I had talked to her very freely: in