in' so it don't matter if I do leave for a little while. She
come an' offered an' I don't see why she should n't have a chance to
get married the same as any other girl, so I set her in the next room
an' told her not to go near him on no a'count, an' naturally there ain't
nothin' as'll make 'em wilder to talk than for Elijah to feel he'd ought
to be workin' on his editorial an' for 'Liza Em'ly to feel as he had n't
ought to be spoke to. I don't say as I consider Elijah any great catch,
but if 'Liza Em'ly can find any joy jumpin' at him with her mouth open I
ain't one to deprive her of the hop. Elijah's a very fair young man as
young men go, an' I think any girl as is willin' to do her nine-tenths
can have a time tryin' to be happy with him. If she ain't happy long it
won't be Elijah's fault for he's just as sure his wife 'll be happy as
any other man is."

"But about--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, that's what I come to tell you. He woke me last night, tappin' on
my door, an' hollered as he had the appendicitis on both sides at once."

"On both--"

"That's what he said. Well, as soon as I got awake enough to know as I
was n't asleep, I knowed he was wrong somehow an' I sat up in bed an'
hollered back to him to take ten sips o' water, hold his breath while he
counted fifteen, an' go back to bed. I was n't calculatin' to get up
with no two-sided appendicitis in the middle o' no night if I could help
it, an' I knowed anyhow as it was only some of them dried apples o' Mr.
Kimball's as was maybe lodged here an' there in him an' no harm done if
he'd only let me sleep.

"But, no sir, Elijah had no idea o' lettin' me sleep while he set up
alone with his own two sides. There's suthin' about a man, Mrs. Lathrop,
as 'll never let him suffer in silence if there's any woman to be woke
up. A man can't be a hero unless a woman stands by barefooted with a
candle, an' he feels a good deal easier groanin' if he can hear her
sneezin' between times. So back come Elijah right off to say as I must
be up an' doin' or he'd be dead afore dawn. I was so sound asleep I
told him to set a mouse trap two times afore my senses come to me an'
then when they did I was mad. I tell you I was _good_ an' mad too. I put
on my slippers an' father's duster as I always keep hangin' to my
bedpost to slip on or dust with just as I feel to need it on or dustin',
an' I went to Elijah. He was back layin' in bed done up in a sort o'
ring o' rosy, groanin' an' taki