d. I hear the busy devil
whispering even now. It is my demon. Now, I say, see what a farce life
is! I shall die like a dog, as I have lived like a fool; and then my
epitaph will be in everybody's mouth. Here are the consequences of
self-indulgence: here is a fellow, forsooth, who thought only of the
gratification of his vile appetites; and by the living Heaven, am I not
standing here among my hereditary rocks, and sighing to the ocean, to be
virtuous!

'She knew me well, she read me in a minute, and spoke more truth at that
last meeting than is in a thousand sermons. It is out of our power to
redeem ourselves. Our whole existence is a false, foul state, totally
inimical to love and purity, and domestic gentleness, and calm delight.
Yet are we envied! Oh! could these fools see us at any other time except
surrounded by our glitter, and hear of us at any other moment save in
the first bloom of youth, which is, even then, often wasted; could they
but mark our manhood, and view our hollow marriages, and disappointed
passions; could they but see the traitors that we have for sons, the
daughters that own no duty; could they but watch us even to our grave,
tottering after some fresh bauble, some vain delusion, which, to the
last, we hope may prove a substitute for what we have never found
through life, a contented mind, they would do something else but envy
us.

'But I stand prating when I am wanted. I must home. Home! O sacred word!
and then comes night! Horrible night! Horrible day! It seems to me I am
upon the eve of some monstrous folly, too ridiculous to be a crime, and
yet as fatal. I have half a mind to go and marry the Bird of Paradise,
out of pure pique with myself, and with the world.'

CHAPTER V.

_A Startling Letter_

SOUTHEY, that virtuous man, whom Wisdom calls her own, somewhere thanks
God that he was not born to a great estate. We quite agree with the
seer of Keswick; it is a bore. Provided a man can enjoy every personal
luxury, what profits it that your flag waves on castles you never visit,
and that you count rents which you never receive? And yet there are some
things which your miserable, moderate incomes cannot command, and which
one might like to have; for instance, a band.

A complete, a consummate band, in uniforms of uncut white velvet, with
a highly-wrought gold button, just tipped with a single pink topaz,
appears to me [Greek phrase]. When we die, 'Band' will be found
impressed upo