hese items to suit his humor, he would
paraphrase them, and, substituting the names of local or national
celebrities, as the incongruity tickled his fancy, he would print them
in his column under the heading of local, social, literary, or
industrial notes, as the case might be. He seldom changed the form of
these borrowed paragraphs materially, for he held most shrewdly that
no humorist could improve upon the unconscious humor of the truly
rural scribe. Field never outgrew the enjoyment and employment of this
distinctively American appreciation of humor. As late as October 29th,
1895, "The Love Affairs" had to wait while he regaled the readers of
the Chicago Record with his own brand of "Crop Reports from East
Minonk," of which the following will serve as specimens:

All are working to get in the corn crop as if they never expected to
raise another crop. The schools are almost deserted, and even the
schoolm'ams may yet be drafted in as huskers. As the season advances
the farmers begin to realize the immensity of the crop, and the
dangers and difficulties of handling it. Owing to its cumbersomeness
the old-fashioned way of handling it becomes obsolete, and new
methods will have to be adopted and hydraulic machinery procured.
Many new uses can be made of the corn-stalks, such as flag-poles for
school-houses, telegraph poles and sewer-pipes. By hollowing out a
corn-stalk it will make the very best of windmill towers, as the
plunger-rod can be placed inside, thus protecting it from the
weather, and if desired, an excellent fountain can be obtained by
perforating the joints with an awl.

A freight train on the Santa Fe railroad was delayed four hours last
Saturday by a corn-stalk in Jake Schlosser's field, which had been
undermined by hogs, falling across the track. It was removed with a
crane and considerable difficulty by the wrecking crew.

The town of Hegler, on the Kankakee, Minonk and Western railroad, is
invisible in a forest of corn. A search party under the direction of
the road commissioners are looking for it.

These solemnly exaggerated crop notes were strung out to the extent of
over half a column. Some will question the wit of such fantastic
extravagance, but Field had early learned the truth of Puck's
exclamation: "Lord, what fools these mortals be!" He knew that there
was absolutely no bounds to the gullibility of mankind, and he felt it
a part of his mission to cat