never--no, never, split me!--and I wonder how some
fellows can have the INSOLENCE to allow their MASTERS to shave them!"
With this, Mr. Hock flung himself down to be curled: Mr. Bar suddenly
opened his mouth in order to reply; but seeing there was a tiff between
the gentlemen, and wanting to prevent a quarrel, I rammed the Advertiser
into Mr. Hock's hands, and just popped my shaving-brush into Mr. Bar's
mouth--a capital way to stop angry answers.

Mr. Bar had hardly been in the chair one second, when whir comes a
hackney-coach to the door, from which springs a gentleman in a black
coat with a bag.

"What, you here!" says the gentleman. I could not help smiling, for it
seemed that everybody was to begin by saying, "What, YOU here!" "Your
name is Cox, sir?" says he; smiling too, as the very pattern of mine.
"My name, sir, is Sharpus,--Blunt, Hone and Sharpus, Middle Temple
Lane,--and I am proud to salute you, sir; happy,--that is to say, sorry
to say that Mr. Tuggeridge, of Portland Place, is dead, and your lady
is heiress, in consequence, to one of the handsomest properties in the
kingdom."

At this I started, and might have sunk to the ground, but for my hold of
Mr. Bar's nose; Orlando seemed putrified to stone, with his irons fixed
to Mr. Hock's head; our respective patients gave a wince out:--Mrs. C.,
Jemimarann, and Tug, rushed from the back shop, and we formed a splendid
tableau such as the great Cruikshank might have depicted.

"And Mr. John Tuggeridge, sir?" says I.

"Why--hee, hee, hee!" says Mr. Sharpus. "Surely you know that he was
only the--hee, hee, hee!--the natural son!"

You now can understand why the servants from Portland Place had been so
eager to come to us. One of the house-maids heard Mr. Sharpus say there
was no will, and that my wife was heir to the property, and not Mr. John
Tuggeridge: this she told in the housekeeper's room; and off, as soon as
they heard it, the whole party set, in order to be the first to bear the
news.

We kept them, every one in their old places; for, though my wife would
have sent them about their business, my dear Jemimarann just hinted,
"Mamma, you know THEY have been used to great houses, and we have not;
had we not better keep them for a little?"--Keep them, then, we did, to
show us how to be gentlefolks.

I handed over the business to Mr. Crump without a single farthing of
premium, though Jemmy would have made me take four hundred pounds for
it; but this I wa