n.
He got up and went out into the air. The stars were very bright. He
passed along the terrace round the corner of the house, till, through the
window of the music-room, he could see Irene at the piano, with
lamp-light falling on her powdery hair; withdrawn into herself she
seemed, her dark eyes staring straight before her, her hands idle.
Jolyon saw her raise those hands and clasp them over her breast. 'It's
Jon, with her,' he thought; 'all Jon! I'm dying out of her--it's
natural!'
And, careful not to be seen, he stole back.
Next day, after a bad night, he sat down to his task. He wrote with
difficulty and many erasures.
"MY DEAREST BOY,
"You are old enough to understand how very difficult it is for elders to
give themselves away to their young. Especially when--like your mother
and myself, though I shall never think of her as anything but
young--their hearts are altogether set on him to whom they must confess.
I cannot say we are conscious of having sinned exactly--people in real
life very seldom are, I believe--but most persons would say we had, and
at all events our conduct, righteous or not, has found us out. The truth
is, my dear, we both have pasts, which it is now my task to make known to
you, because they so grievously and deeply affect your future. Many,
very many years ago, as far back indeed as 1883, when she was only
twenty, your mother had the great and lasting misfortune to make an
unhappy marriage--no, not with me, Jon. Without money of her own, and
with only a stepmother--closely related to Jezebel--she was very unhappy
in her home life. It was Fleur's father that she married, my cousin
Soames Forsyte. He had pursued her very tenaciously and to do him
justice was deeply in love with her. Within a week she knew the fearful
mistake she had made. It was not his fault; it was her error of
judgment--her misfortune."
So far Jolyon had kept some semblance of irony, but now his subject
carried him away.
"Jon, I want to explain to you if I can--and it's very hard--how it is
that an unhappy marriage such as this can so easily come about. You will
of course say: 'If she didn't really love him how could she ever have
married him?' You would be right if it were not for one or two rather
terrible considerations. From this initial mistake of hers all the
subsequent trouble, sorrow, and tragedy have come, and so I must make it
clear to you if I can. You see, Jon, in those days and even to thi
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