he walked back to the river. To come before
its time like this, with no chance to foresee anything, not even to get
her mother here! It was for her mother to make that decision, and she
couldn't arrive from Paris till to-night! If only he could have
understood the doctor's jargon, the medical niceties, so as to be sure he
was weighing the chances properly; but they were Greek to him--like a
legal problem to a layman. And yet he must decide! He brought his hand
away from his brow wet, though the air was chilly. These sounds which
came from her room! To go back there would only make it more difficult.
He must be calm, clear. On the one hand life, nearly certain, of his
young wife, death quite certain, of his child; and--no more children
afterwards! On the other, death perhaps of his wife, nearly certain life
for the child; and--no more children afterwards! Which to choose?.... It
had rained this last fortnight--the river was very full, and in the
water, collected round the little house-boat moored by his landing-stage,
were many leaves from the woods above, brought off by a frost. Leaves
fell, lives drifted down--Death! To decide about death! And no one to
give him a hand. Life lost was lost for good. Let nothing go that you
could keep; for, if it went, you couldn't get it back. It left you bare,
like those trees when they lost their leaves; barer and barer until you,
too, withered and came down. And, by a queer somersault of thought, he
seemed to see not Annette lying up there behind that window-pane on which
the sun was shining, but Irene lying in their bedroom in Montpellier
Square, as it might conceivably have been her fate to lie, sixteen years
ago. Would he have hesitated then? Not a moment! Operate, operate!
Make certain of her life! No decision--a mere instinctive cry for help,
in spite of his knowledge, even then, that she did not love him! But
this! Ah! there was nothing overmastering in his feeling for Annette!
Many times these last months, especially since she had been growing
frightened, he had wondered. She had a will of her own, was selfish in
her French way. And yet--so pretty! What would she wish--to take the
risk. 'I know she wants the child,' he thought. 'If it's born dead, and
no more chance afterwards--it'll upset her terribly. No more chance!
All for nothing! Married life with her for years and years without a
child. Nothing to steady her! She's too young. Nothing to look