I simply went
under. I tried to go back to some of that old set I've told you about
before, but the awful thing was that Rachel wouldn't let me. Thinking of
her, wanting her when all those other women were about. It simply wasn't
possible....

"It got worse and worse. I thought I'd go off my head. Then--do you
remember that awful thunderstorm we had?"

"Yes," said Lizzie, "I remember it very well."

"That night was a kind of climax. I'd dined with Christopher, then got
wandering about--it was horribly close and heavy--got into some music
hall. I suppose I'd been drinking--anyway, I had suddenly a kind of
vision, there in the music hall. I thought Rachel was dead, that I'd
lost her altogether. And then--it's all so hard to explain--but when I
came to myself I seemed to understand that the only way I could keep her
was by giving her up.... I've got it all muddled, but that was what it
came to."

"You were quite right," said Lizzie.

"Well, then--what do you think happened? The very next day my uncle,
John Beaminster, came to see me--yes, came himself. Talked and was most
pleasant and wanted to be friends. At the same time--now just listen to
this--came a note from Seddon asking me to go and see him. I went, found
Rachel there. Apparently my delightful grandmother had been telling him
stories about Rachel and me, and he wanted to put things straight. As
though this weren't enough, right upon us, without a word of warning,
dropped my grandmother herself!"

He stopped that he might convey fully to Lizzie the drama of the
occasion.

There was, in his words, just that touch of absurdity and exaggeration
that she had noticed at her very first meeting with him. He was always
too passionately anxious to thrill his audience!

"There _was_ a scene! You can imagine it! We all tried to behave at
first, although of course it was immensely difficult. I don't think
Seddon had in the least realized the kind of thing it would be. Then
she--the old tyrant--could contain herself no longer and burst out
concerning me, the blackguard I was and the rest of it. She was furious,
you see, at Seddon taking my friendship with Rachel so quietly. He was
_splendid_ about it!

"Well, when she burst out about all the family cutting me and everybody
casting me out, the opportunity was too good. I _couldn't_ help it. I
had to tell her that Uncle John had been round that very afternoon to
see me and that the family was holding out its arms."