old!

[Illustration: How the First Letter Was Written]

HOW THE FIRST LETTER WAS WRITTEN

ONCE upon a most early time was a Neolithic man. He was not a Jute or
an Angle, or even a Dravidian, which he might well have been, Best
Beloved, but never mind why. He was a Primitive, and he lived cavily in
a Cave, and he wore very few clothes, and he couldn't read and he
couldn't write and he didn't want to, and except when he was hungry he
was quite happy. His name was Tegumai Bopsulai, and that means,
'Man-who-does-not-put-his-foot-forward-in-a-hurry'; but we, O Best
Beloved, will call him Tegumai, for short. And his wife's name was
Teshumai Tewindrow, and that means, 'Lady-who-asks-a-very-many-questions';
but we, O Best Beloved, will call her Teshumai, for short. And his little
girl-daughter's name was Taffimai Metallumai, and that means,
'Small-person-without-any-manners-who-ought-to-be-spanked'; but I'm
going to call her Taffy. And she was Tegumai Bopsulai's Best Beloved and
her own Mummy's Best Beloved, and she was not spanked half as much as
was good for her; and they were all three very happy. As soon as Taffy
could run about she went everywhere with her Daddy Tegumai, and
sometimes they would not come home to the Cave till they were hungry,
and then Teshumai Tewindrow would say, 'Where in the world have you two
been to, to get so shocking dirty? Really, my Tegumai, you're no better
than my Taffy.'

Now attend and listen!

One day Tegumai Bopsulai went down through the beaver-swamp to the
Wagai river to spear carp-fish for dinner, and Taffy went too. Tegumai's
spear was made of wood with shark's teeth at the end, and before he had
caught any fish at all he accidentally broke it clean across by jabbing
it down too hard on the bottom of the river. They were miles and miles
from home (of course they had their lunch with them in a little bag),
and Tegumai had forgotten to bring any extra spears.

'Here's a pretty kettle of fish!' said Tegumai. 'It will take me half
the day to mend this.'

'There's your big black spear at home,' said Taffy. 'Let me run back to
the Cave and ask Mummy to give it me.'

'It's too far for your little fat legs,' said Tegumai. 'Besides, you
might fall into the beaver-swamp and be drowned. We must make the best
of a bad job.' He sat down and took out a little leather mendy-bag, full
of reindeer-sinews and strips of leather, and lumps of bee's-wax and
resin, and began to mend the sp