rtainment upon
him even if you have to use chloroform.

If you would have a serene old age never woo a girl who keeps a diary.

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When you are inclined to be haughty, remember that a cook in the
kitchen is worth two in the employment office.

A chef is a cook who gets a salary instead of wages.

It is better form for a bride to take her wedding journey with the
groom than with the coachman.

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Under no circumstances associate with persons who wear detachable
cuffs. Such men are usually trying to get rich at the expense of the
washerwoman.

When crossing the Atlantic no gentleman will rock the boat.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of
themselves.

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Those who live in glass houses should be polite to reporters.

When in a hurry to get to the poor house, take the road that leads
through the bucket shop and passes the race track.

Condensed milk should be used in a small flat.

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Tell your rich relations how fast you are making money--your poor
ones, how fast you are losing it.

In taking soup try not to give others the impression that the plumbing
is out of order.

When giving a studio tea, remember that there should be soft lights
and hard drinks.

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Eschew the race-track and the roulette table. Faro is a squarer game
than either.

Beware of indiscriminate charity. You will never get your name in the
paper by giving a tramp the price of a meal.

Before marriage the fashionable tint for eyeglasses is rose; after
marriage smoked glasses should be worn.

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If you would make a lifelong friend of a man who lives in a hall
bedroom, accuse him of leading a double life.

No sportsman will shoot craps during the closed season.

Compliments paid a woman behind her back go farthest and are
remembered longest.

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Avoid having business relations with a man whose I. O. U. is not as
good as his note; but take his note by preference.

When playing poker, it is as bad form to wear a coat as it is to be
shy.

The father gives the bride away, but the small brother would like to.

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