hey did it would be even harder to get money out of Editors
than it is already.

We will now write a comic poem about Spring Cleaning. We will have
verses of six lines, five ten-syllable lines and one six-syllable. As
a last line for the first verse I suggest

Where have they put my hat?

We now require two rhymes to _hat_. In the present context _flat_ will
obviously be one, and _cat_ or _drat_ will be another. Our resources
at present are therefore as follows:--

Line 1-- ----
" 2-- ... flat.
" 3-- ----
" 4-- ... cat or drat.
" 5-- ----
" 6--Where have they put my hat?

As for the blank lines, _wife_ is certain to come in sooner or later,
and we had better put that down, supported by _life_ ("What a life!"),
and _knife_ or _strife_. There are no other rhymes, except _rife_,
which is a useless word.

We now hold another parade:--

Terumti--umti--umti--umti--wife,
Terumti--umti--umti--umti--flat;
Teroodle--oodle--oodle--What a life!
Terumti--oodle--umti--oodle--cat (or drat);
Teroodle--umti--oodle--umti--knife (or strife);
Where have they put my hat?

All that remains now is to fill in the umti-oodles, and I can't be
bothered to do that. There is nothing in it.

A. P. H.

* * * * *

"Will any gentleman requiring a House-keeper accept two
decently brought up boys, age 12 and 8 years? Excellent cook
and housekeeper; capable of full control."

_Daily Paper._

Someone really ought to give these young sportsmen a trial.

* * * * *

[Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES.

THE DOMESTIC SERVANT SHORTAGE.

HOW THE MISSES MARJORIBANKS DE VERE (WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF A
PERRUQUIER) UPHOLD THE DIGNITY OF HER LADYSHIP THEIR MAMA'S AFTERNOON
"AT HOMES."]

* * * * *

[Illustration:

_The Visitor._ "BUT YOU SPOIL THE PLACE BY HAVING THE PUBLIC
INCINERATOR ON THAT HILL OVER THERE."

_The Town Clerk._ "PARDON ME, SIR--THAT IS _MY_ IDEA. IT COMPLETES
THE RESEMBLANCE TO THE BAY OF NAPLES, WHICH WE INSIST ON IN ALL OUR
ADVERTISEMENTS."]

* * * * *

THE LOQUACIOUS INSTINCT.

Don't you ever know the impulse, when you are idly turning the pages
of a telephone directory, to ring up some total stranger and engage
him in light conversation?

I do, quite intensely. In moments of ennui, when there is really
nothing to do in the office, the