soner is sentenced to a
fine of five florins, or three days' imprisonment.

[Illustration]

[Illustration]

CHAPTER XXVIII.

GILRAY'S DREAM.

Conceive me (said Gilray, with glowing face) invited to write a
criticism of the Critics' Dramatic Society for the _Standard_.
I select the _Standard_, because that paper has treated me most
cruelly. However, I loathe them all. My dream is the following
criticism:

What is the Critics' Dramatic Society? We found out on Wednesday
afternoon, and, as we went to Drury Lane in the interests of the public,
it is only fair that the public should know too. Besides, in that case
we can all bear it together. Be it known, then, that this Dramatic
Society is composed of "critics" who gave "The School for Scandal" at
a matinee on Wednesday just to show how the piece should be played.
Mr. Augustus Harris had "kindly put the theatre at their disposal,"
for which he will have to answer when he joins Sheridan in the Elysian
Fields. As the performance was by far the worst ever perpetrated, it
would be a shame to deprive the twentieth century of the programme. Some
of the players, as will be seen, are too well known to escape obloquy.
The others may yet be able to sink into oblivion.

Sir Peter Teazle MR. JOHN RUSKIN.
Joseph Surface MR. W. E. HENLEY.
Charles Surface MR. HARRY LABOUCHERE.
Crabtree MR. W. ARCHER.
Sir Benjamin Backbite MR. CLEMENT SCOTT.
Moses MR. WALTER SICHEL.
Old Rowley MR. JOSEPH KNIGHT.
Sir Oliver MR. W.H. POLLOCK.
Trip MR. G. A. SALA.
Snake MR. MOY THOMAS.
Sir Harry Bumper (with song) MR. GEORGE MOORE.
Servants, Guests, etc. MESSRS. SAVILLE CLARKE,
JOSEPH HATTON, PERCY FITZGERALD, etc.

Assisted by

Lady Teazle MISS ROSIE LE DENE.
Mrs. Candour MISS JENNY MONTALBAN.
Lady Sneerwell MISS ROSALIND LABELLE
(The Hon. Mrs. Major TURNLEY).
Maria MISS JONES.

It was a sin of omission on the part of the Critics' Dramatic Society
not to state that the piece played was "a new and original comedy"
in many acts. Had they had the courage to do this, and to change the
title, no one would