ntly. I assumed at first that she was one of the
inmates trying to get me involved in a game of Martian narco-checkers, so I
brushed her hand away.

"They've probably got him all doped up," Audie said. The voice was familiar and
unplaceable and so I cracked my eyelid, squinting up at her silhouette in the
afternoon sun. "There he is," she said. "Come on, up and at 'em, tiger."

I sat up abruptly and scrubbed at my eyes. "Audie?" I asked.

"Yup. And Alphie." Alphie's pink face hove into view.

"Hi, Art," he mumbled.

"Jesus," I said, getting to my feet. Audie put out a superfluous steadying hand.
"Wow."

"Surprised?" Audie said.

"Yeah!" I said. Audie thrust a bouquet of flowers into my arms. "What are you
doing here?"

"Oh, your grandmother told me you were here. I was coming down to Boston for
work anyway, so I flew in a day early so I could drop in. Alphie came down with
me -- he's my assistant now."

I almost said something about convicted felons working for government
contractors, but I held onto my tongue. Consequently, an awkward silence
blossomed.

"Well," Audie said, at last. "Well! Let's have a look at you, then." She
actually took a lap around me, looking me up and down, making little noises.
"You look all right, Art. Maybe a little skinny, even. Alphie's got a box of
cookies for you." Alphie stepped forward and produced the box, a family pack of
President's Choice Ridiculous Chocoholic Extra Chewies, a Canadian store brand
I'd been raised on. Within seconds of seeing them, my mouth was sloshing with
saliva.

"It's good to see you, Audie, Alphie." I managed to say it without spitting, an
impressive feat, given the amount of saliva I was contending with. "Thanks for
the care package."

We stared at each other blankly.

"So, Art," Alphie said, "So! How do you like it here?"

"Well, Alphie," I said. "I can't say as I do, really. As far as I can tell, I'm
sane as I've ever been. It's just a bunch of unfortunate coincidences and bad
judgment that got me here." I refrain from mentioning Alphie's propensity for
lapses in judgment.

"Wow," Alphie said. "That's a bummer. We should do something, you know, Audie?"

"Not really my area of expertise," Audie said in clipped tones. "I would if I
could, you know that, right Art? We're family, after all."

"Oh, sure," I say magnanimously. But now that I'm looking at them, my cousins
who got into a thousand times more trouble than I ever did, driving drunk,