ted the views of a
materialist companion of my studies--a worn-out man of more than double
my age. I believed in nothing but what I could see, or taste, or feel.
I lost all faith in humanity. With the one exception of my mother, I had
no respect for women. My remembrances of Mary deteriorated until they
became little more than a lost link of association with the past. I
still preserved the green flag as a matter of habit; but it was
no longer kept about me; it was left undisturbed in a drawer of my
writing-desk. Now and then a wholesome doubt, whether my life was not
utterly unworthy of me, would rise in my mind. But it held no long
possession of my thoughts. Despising others, it was in the logical order
of things that I should follow my conclusions to their bitter end, and
consistently despise myself.

The term of my majority arrived. I was twenty-one years old; and of the
illusions of my youth not a vestige remained.

Neither my mother nor Mr. Germaine could make any positive complaint of
my conduct. But they were both thoroughly uneasy about me. After anxious
consideration, my step-father arrived at a conclusion. He decided that
the one chance of restoring me to my better and brighter self was to try
the stimulant of a life among new people and new scenes.

At the period of which I am now writing, the home government had decided
on sending a special diplomatic mission to one of the native princes
ruling over a remote province of our Indian empire. In the disturbed
state of the province at that time, the mission, on its arrival in
India, was to be accompanied to the prince's court by an escort,
including the military as well as the civil servants of the crown. The
surgeon appointed to sail with the expedition from England was an old
friend of Mr. Germaine's, and was in want of an assistant on whose
capacity he could rely. Through my stepfather's interest, the post was
offered to me. I accepted it without hesitation. My only pride left was
the miserable pride of indifference. So long as I pursued my profession,
the place in which I pursued it was a matter of no importance to my
mind.

It was long before we could persuade my mother even to contemplate the
new prospect now set before me. When she did at length give way, she
yielded most unwillingly. I confess I left her with the tears in my
eyes--the first I had shed for many a long year past.

The history of our expedition is part of the history of British India.