eliberately proceeding to the very worst of crimes, I can
scarcely bear to think of it."
"That is what you say? It seems too you know--accursed
remembrance!--that I was accused of this crime?"
I was silent.
"Well, sir. You know too, perhaps, that from the hour the crime was
committed--yes, sir, that was the date [and as he said this, there was
somewhat frightful, I had almost said diabolical, in his countenance]--I
have not had an hour's peace; I became changed from the happiest to the
most miserable thing that lives; sleep has fled from my eyes; joy has
been a stranger to my thoughts; and annihilation I should prefer a
thousand times to the being that I am. As soon as I was capable of a
choice, I chose honour and the esteem of mankind as a good I preferred
to all others. You know, it seems, in how many ways my ambition has been
disappointed,--I do not thank Collins for having been the historian of
my disgrace,--would to God that night could be blotted from the memory
of man!--But the scene of that night, instead of perishing, has been a
source of ever new calamity to me, which must flow for ever! Am I then,
thus miserable and ruined, a proper subject upon which for you to
exercise your ingenuity, and improve your power of tormenting? Was it
not enough that I was publicly dishonoured? that I was deprived, by the
pestilential influence of some demon, of the opportunity of avenging my
dishonour? No: in addition to this, I have been charged with having in
this critical moment intercepted my own vengeance by the foulest of
crimes. That trial is past. Misery itself has nothing worse in store for
me, except what you have inflicted: the seeming to doubt of my
innocence, which, after the fullest and most solemn examination, has
been completely established. You have forced me to this explanation. You
have extorted from me a confidence which I had no inclination to make.
But it is a part of the misery of my situation, that I am at the mercy
of every creature, however little, who feels himself inclined to sport
with my distress. Be content. You have brought me low enough."
"Oh, sir, I am not content; I cannot be content! I cannot bear to think
what I have done. I shall never again be able to look in the face of the
best of masters and the best of men. I beg of you, sir, to turn me out
of your service. Let me go and hide myself where I may never see you
more."
Mr. Falkland's countenance had indicated great severity throug
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