mptness the energies of his mind.

I contemplated the proceedings of my patron with the deepest
astonishment. Humanity and general kindness were fundamental parts of
his character; but in relation to me they were sterile and inactive. His
own interest required that he should purchase my kindness; but he
preferred to govern me by terror, and watch me with unceasing anxiety. I
ruminated with the most mournful sensations upon the nature of my
calamity. I believed that no human being was ever placed in a situation
so pitiable as mine. Every atom of my frame seemed to have a several
existence, and to crawl within me. I had but too much reason to believe
that Mr. Falkland's threats were not empty words. I knew his ability; I
felt his ascendancy. If I encountered him, what chance had I of victory?
If I were defeated, what was the penalty I had to suffer? Well then, the
rest of my life must be devoted to slavish subjection. Miserable
sentence! And, if it were, what security had I against the injustice of
a man, vigilant, capricious, and criminal? I envied the condemned wretch
upon the scaffold; I envied the victim of the inquisition in the midst
of his torture. They know what they have to suffer. I had only to
imagine every thing terrible, and then say, "The fate reserved for me
is worse than this!"

It was well for me that these sensations were transient: human nature
could not long support itself under what I then felt. By degrees my mind
shook off its burthen. Indignation succeeded to emotions of terror. The
hostility of Mr. Falkland excited hostility in me. I determined I would
never calumniate him in matters of the most trivial import, much less
betray the grand secret upon which every thing dear to him depended.
But, totally abjuring the offensive, I resolved to stand firmly upon the
defensive. The liberty of acting as I pleased I would preserve, whatever
might be the risk. If I were worsted in the contest, I would at least
have the consolation of reflecting that I had exerted myself with
energy. In proportion as I thus determined, I drew off my forces from
petty incursions, and felt the propriety of acting with premeditation
and system. I ruminated incessantly upon plans of deliverance, but I was
anxious that my choice should not be precipitately made.

It was during this period of my deliberation and uncertainty that Mr.
Forester terminated his visit. He observed a strange distance in my
behaviour, and, in his good-na