father." _(They go.)_

_Enter Unpleasant Neighbor._ "Here's a telegram for you. No bad news, I
hope?"

_Merchant Prince._ "I am ruined unless you lend me L40,000. Do it, and I
will assign to you the mortgage on the baronet's property. The majesty
of trade is something which"--

_Unpleasant Neighbor._ "Here it is." _(Aside.)_ "Now I'll get possession
of the estate and the iron-mine."

_Enter Managing Wife._ "Ruined, are you? Of course you can't have my
daughter now."

_Merchant Prince._ "I resign her. We tradesmen are infinitely greater
than you aristocrats."

_Curtain falls, Baker wakes up. "Shoo Fly" by the Orchestra, and remarks
on dress by the ladies as before. Counter-jumpers go out to drink to the
majesty of trade, having grown perceptibly taller since the play began._

_Act 3. Unprincipled Neighbor to Unintelligible Dutchman._ "Have you got
the analysis of the iron ore?"

_Unintelligible Dutchman._ "Ya! Das its um-um-um."

_Unprincipled Neighbor._ "All right! Now I'll foreclose the mortgage,
and will be richer than ever."

_Enter Vague Baronet, and Wife and Daughter, and Lawyer. To them
collectively remarks the Unprincipled Neighbor,_ "The mortgage is due.
As you can't pay, you've got to move out."

_Disagreeable Lawyer._ "Not much! Here's an analysis of iron ore found
on our land. We raised money on the mine, and are ready to pay off the
mortgage."

_Enter Merchant Prince._ "Here's an analysis of the iron ore. I told
them all about it. We tradesmen are great, but we will sometimes help
even a wretched aristocrat."

_Slangy Daughter._ "Here's an analysis of the iron ore. Now I will marry
my noble Merchant, and make him rich again; for there's dead loads of
iron on the Governor's land, you bet!"

_They all produce analyses of the ore, and the play itself being o'er,
the curtain falls._

_Exasperated critic, who has sent for twelve seats, and has been
politely refused._ "I'd like to abuse it, if there was a chance; but
there isn't. The play is really good, and I can't find much fault with
the acting. However, I'll pitch into STODDARD for swearing, which his
'Unprincipled Neighbor' does to an unnecessary extent, and I'll say that
JIM WALLACK is too old and gouty to play the 'Merchant Prince,' and
doesn't quite forget that he used to play in the Bowery."

_Every body else._ "Did you ever see a play better acted? And did you
ever see actresses better dressed?"

And PUNCHINELLO is constrained