It
brings out so much kindness. It is the easiest of all the crosses.'

'I should not wonder if my rampant health had helped to make me the more
wayward,' said Theodora. 'I would not but have been ill for the sake
of the kindness from my father and mother. I was sure of you, but there
is--It has given me spirit to look out upon life.'

'I hope there is peace at least in the look.'

'There is. It is not worse than before, except the vanishing of a
lingering foolish hope, and that is safest. Repentance must always be
there. My life is like myself; the wounds may heal, but the marks will
remain and the freshness and glow will never return here. I am glad I
am so much altered. I should not like to be again within the pale of
attractive people.'

'It is strange to hear you say such things so calmly.'

'I made up my mind long ago. In following poor Georgina--or rather,
my own self-will--I threw away the bloom of life. Percy warned me that
those who reject light crosses have heavy loads imposed. I made what now
seems hardly a cross of reed, into a scourge! Oh, Violet! would that I
had done no harm but to myself by those races!'

'Hush!' said Violet's smothered voice.

'But for that,' said Theodora, recovering steadiness of tone, 'I should
bear everything peacefully. I was unworthy of Percy, and am better off
than I deserve. Oh, Violet! I have wished to thank you for making me
go to Baden, and promising that if I would submit, guidance would come.
There it was, the instant I really sought it. What would have become of
me if I had not been haunted by your look and your words? How many
times they saved me from accepting Lord St. Erme! And if I had, how my
self-will, and pride, and jealousy would have grown! and how wretched I
should be making him now!'

'It is much better as it is.'

'Yes, whatever pain I did give him by my very shameful usage, it would
have been far worse to have gone on. I was thankful that I was stopped.
Now I think I see my own life. There are my home duties; and oh! how
could I have spoken as I once did of papa! How shocking it must have
seemed to you!'

'I do not know what it was, but it was under great provocation, and you
did not understand him then.'

'No, you and Hugh drove me to him, and in seeing him pleased with
anything I can do for him, there is solid happiness. I have learnt to
enter into his affection and deep feeling and anxieties, and I would not
have missed these four years of r