was willing to qualify
himself for genteel society by adding some literature to his other
endowments, and wished to be put in an easy way of obtaining it. Dr.
Johnson recommended the university, "for you read Latin, sir, with
_facility_?" "I read it a little, to be sure, sir." "But do you read it
_with facility_, I say?" "Upon my word, sir, I do not very well know,
but I rather believe not." Mr. Johnson now began to recommend other
branches of science, when he found languages at such an immeasurable
distance, and advising him to study natural history, there arose some
talk about animals, and their divisions into oviparous and viviparous.
"And the cat here, sir," said the youth, who wished for instruction;
"pray in what class is she?" Our Doctor's patience and desire of doing
good began now to give way to the natural roughness of his temper. "You
would do well," said he, "to look for some person to be always about you,
sir, who is capable of explaining such matters, and not come to us"--there
were some literary friends present, as I recollect--"to know whether the
cat lays eggs or not. Get a discreet man to keep you company: there are
so many who would be glad of your table and fifty pounds a year." The
young gentleman retired, and in less than a week informed his friends
that he had fixed on a preceptor to whom no objections could be made; but
when he named as such one of the most distinguished characters in our age
or nation, Mr. Johnson fairly gave himself up to an honest burst of
laughter; and seeing this youth at such a surprising distance from common
knowledge of the world, or of anything in it, desired to see his visitor
no more.

He had not much better luck with two boys that he used to tell of, to
whom he had taught the classics, "so that," he said, "they were no
incompetent or mean scholars." It was necessary, however, that something
more familiar should be known, and he bid them read the History of
England. After a few months had elapsed he asked them, "If they could
recollect who first destroyed the monasteries in our island?" One
modestly replied that he did not know; the other said _Jesus Christ_!

Of the truth of stories which ran currently about the town concerning Dr.
Johnson it was impossible to be certain, unless one asked him himself,
and what he told, or suffered to be told, before his face without
contradicting, has every public mark, I think, of real and genuine
authenticity. I made,