her sitting painting, with her back
to the light. It was clear that she had not heard me. The hall door was
ajar, and when I pushed it open, no one was in the hall. A sudden fit
of roguishness came over me. I pushed the drawing-room door very slowly
wider, crept in on tiptoe, stole quietly across, and bending down, I
kissed the artist upon the nape of her neck. She turned round with a
squeal, and it was the mother!

I don't know whether you have ever been in a tighter corner than that,
Bertie. It was quite tight enough for me. I remember that I smiled as
I stole across the carpet on that insane venture. I did not smile again
that evening. It makes me hot now when I think of it.

Well, I made the most dreadful fool of myself. At first, the good lady
who (as I think I told you) is very dignified and rather reserved, could
not believe her senses. Then, as the full force of my enormity came upon
her she reared herself up until she seemed the tallest and the coldest
woman I had ever seen. It was an interview with a refrigerator. She
asked me what I had ever observed in her conduct which had encouraged
me to subject her to such an outrage. I saw, of course, that any excuses
upon my part would put her on the right track and give poor Laura away;
so I stood with my hair bristling and my top hat in my hand, presenting,
I am sure, a most extraordinary figure. Indeed, she looked rather funny
herself, with her palette in one hand, her brush in the other, and the
blank astonishment on her face. I stammered out something about hoping
that she did not mind, which made her more angry than ever. "The
only possible excuse for your conduct, sir, is that you are under the
influence of drink," said she. "I need not say that we do not require
the services of a medical man in that condition." I did not try to
disabuse her of the idea, for really I could see no better explanation;
so I beat a retreat in a very demoralised condition. She wrote a letter
to my father about it in the evening, and the old man was very angry
indeed. As to the mother, she is as staunch as steel, and quite prepared
to prove that poor Mrs. A. was a very deep designing person, who had
laid a trap for innocent Johnnie. So there has been a grand row; and not
a soul upon earth has the least idea of what it all means, except only
yourself as you read this letter.

You can imagine that this has not contributed to make life here more
pleasant, for my father cannot bring him