e, I did so with a
stronger sense of my own unworthiness to merit her love than if I myself
had sought her affection. I had felt her superiority to myself too early
in life to outlive the memory of it as we grew older. The former feeling
of dread which I entertained of Julia's sarcasm still lived within me,
and I felt keenly that she who knew the weaknesses of the boy was little
likely to forget them in reflecting over the failures of the man; and
thus, if she did care for me, I well knew that her affection must be
checkered by too many doubts and uncertainties to give it that character
of abiding love which alone could bring happiness. I perceived clearly
enough that she disliked O'Grady. Was it, then, that, being interested
for me, she was grieved at my great intimacy with one she herself did
not admire, and who evidently treated her with marked coldness and
reserve?

Harassed with these suspicions, and annoyed that those I had hoped would
regard each other as friends avoided every opportunity of intimacy,
I strolled forth to walk alone, my mind brooding over dark and
disagreeable images, and my brain full of plans all based upon
disappointed hopes and blighted expectations. To my mother's invitation
to dinner for that day O'Grady had returned an apology; he was engaged
to his friend M. Guillemain, with whom he was also to pass the morning;
so that I was absolutely without a companion.

When first I issued from the Place Vendome, I resolved at all hazards
to wait on the Rooneys, at once to see Miss Bellew, and seek an
explanation, if possible, for her manner towards me. As I hastened on
towards the Chaussee, however, I began to reflect on the impropriety of
such a course, after the evident refusal she had given to any renewal
of acquaintance. 'I did know Mr. Hinton,' were the words she used--words
which, considering all that had passed between us, never could have been
spoken lightly or without reason. A hundred vague conjectures as to
the different ways in which my character and motives might have been
slandered to her occupied me as I sauntered along. De Vere and Burke
were both my enemies, and I had little doubt that with them originated
the calumny from which I now was suffering; and as I turned over in my
thoughts all the former passages of our hatred, I felt how gladly they
would embrace the opportunity of wounding me where the injury would
prove the keenest.

Without knowing it, I had actually reached the st