Narcotic; Tales of Surgeons and the Probe."
I've a most superb assortment, on the very cheapest terms,
Done up carefully in tin-foil, of my A 1 "Trilby Germs."

So perchance if you're ambitious in a literary line,
Be as dull as e'er you can be, you will surely cut a shine,
If you'll only take advantage of this opportunity,
When you're passing by to stop in for a little chat with me.

You may ask me, in conclusion, why I do not seek myself
All the laurel and the glory of these seeds I sell for pelf.
I will tell you, though the confidence I can't deny is rash,
I'm a trifle long on laurels, and a little short of cash.

_THE AUTHOR'S BOOMERANG_

HE frowns with reason; he has always said,
"The public has no knowledge of true art;
The book of worth these days would not be read;
'Tis trash not truth that goes upon the mart."

And then was published his beloved work--
Some twenty-six editions it has had--
And he his own conclusion cannot shirk:
With such success as this it must be bad!

_TO AN EGOTISTICAL BIOGRAPHER_

I'VE read your story of your friend's fine life,
But really, gentle sir, I fail to see,
Why you have named it "Blank, and Jane his wife,"
When you had better called it simply "Me."

_NO COPYRIGHT NEEDED_

I'VE penned a score of essays bright,
In Addison's best style;
I've taken many a lofty flight,
The Muses to beguile.

Of novels I have written few--
I think no more than ten;
With history I've had to do,
Like several other men.

And still, to my intense regret,
Through all my woe and weal,
I've never penned a volume yet,
A foreigner would steal.

_INGREDIENTS OF GREATNESS_

THE style of man I'd like to be,
If I could have my way,
Would be a sort of pot-pourri
Of Poe and Thackeray;

Of Horace, Edison, and Lamb;
Of Keats and Washington,
Gerome and blest Omar Khayyam,
And R. L. Stevenson;

Of Kipling and the Bard of Thrums,
And Bonaparte the great--
If I were these, I'd snap my thumbs
Derisively at Fate.

_A COMMON FAVORITE_

CHARLES LAMB is good, and so is Thackeray,
And so's Jane Austen in her pretty way;
Charles Dickens, too, has pleased me quite a lot,
As also have both Stevenson and Scott.
I like Dumas and Balzac, and I think
Lord Byron quite a dab at spreading ink;
But on the whole, at home, a