y I am
in a plight to do so every way. One man wants me to exert the influence
which he is sure _my intimacy with Mr. Bunn_ (!) must give me to have an
opera of his brought out at Drury Lane; another writes to me that "my
family's well-known interest in the _theatres_" (a large view of the
subject) "must certainly enable me to have a play of his produced at one
of them;" and so forth, and so on.

All these people will think me a wretch, of course, because I cannot do
any of the things they want me to do; moreover, no power of human
explanation will suffice hereafter to make them aware that I am not upon
terms of affectionate intimacy with Mr. Bunn, that no member of my
family has now any interest whatever in any theatre whatever, and that I
have been so overwhelmed with anxieties and troubles of my own as to
make my attention to the production of operas and plays and such like
things quite impossible just now.

The strangest part of all this is that these men write to me, desiring
me to commend that which I think bad, and that which, moreover, they
know that I think bad; but they seem to imagine that some effort of
sincere friendship and kindness on my part is all that is necessary to
induce me, in spite of this, to recommend and heartily to praise what I
hold to be worthless.

Friendship with eyes and ears and a conscience is, I believe indeed, for
the most part, and for the purposes of most people, tantamount to no
friendship at all, or perhaps rather to a mild form of enmity.

Do you not think it is rather farcical on your part to request me to
answer your letters, when you know 'tis as much as my place (in
creation) is worth not to do so, and that, moreover, every day's post
brings me that which impresses the sufficiency of each day's
_allotments_ devoutly to my mind? Did I ever _not_ answer your letters,
you horrid Harriet? My dear Hal, in spite of the last which I received
from you, after I had just concluded a very long one to you, bearing
date November 20th (there now! you see I remember the date even of my
yesterday's letter!), I still wish for another deliberate expression of
your opinion about my coming down to Hastings. That you desire it, in
spite of all considerations, I know. What your judgment is, now that I
have laid all considerations before you, I should like to know....

To-day was appointed for my visit to Mrs. Grote, and Rogers was to have
come for me at one o'clock, to go to the Paddington ra