d have been far better had I borne
with him. He was the only man in the world for me; and he would have
come back to me if I had only waited. Then, instead of dying wretchedly
miserable as he did, he might have been alive to-day, and we would be
companions for each other; but I was proud and wilful--however, enough
of that.) As I said: when you were a tiny baby I was an unhappy woman,
with an heart empty and bruised. How I hugged you to it! O never,
_never_ can I tell you, nor can you imagine, the comfort, the blessing
you became to me! Your butterfly-like little kisses made well all the
bruises; your little hands, with their soft, flower-like caresses,
smoothed away the troubles, and before long you seemed to have crept
in, little body, little soul, into my heart, till you filled it
completely. And now I must share--Oh, we _are_ selfish, we mothers! for
I want all--all! I used to be a little jealous, in those early days,
even of your nurse. Do you know, Rob, that I bathed my baby every
morning of your little life, so long as you took infant tubs? I
wouldn't leave it to anyone else; and for more than one year of your
life, in the middle of each night and early morning, I warmed over a
little spirit lamp (I have it yet) your preparation of milk, and fed it
to you, so that you would get your food from me in one way, if the
doctor wouldn't let me feed you as I hungered to do. How soon it was
you knew me. I could make you smile when no one else could; and what a
joy it was to see a love for me coming into your infantile existence. I
had cried a good deal before you were born, and some afterward, first
out of relief and then for pure gladness. But under your dear influence
I gradually forgot how tears came. You almost never cried; and what a
good baby you were--oh, a blessed baby!--and I tried to repay you by
not worrying you with too many kisses, with too much loving, which I'm
sure is not good for a child. Sometimes I had to clench my hands, so
strong was my desire to take you up and clasp you tight. Then how
quickly you began to grow; and before long my letters and intimate
conversation began to be filled with what "Rob said this morning;" and
you did say such delightful things! I never knew so naively witty a
child! And soon you reached the age when I could play the role of
comforter. The knocks and bruises I've healed by kissing them!--do you
remember one-third? I'm sure I don't. The many imagined slights of your
little