n or
literary ability to properly describe them.

In these respects I must admit my own inferiority. But I feel that
should I not promulgate an account of my own remarkable life for the
benefit of mankind then I would betray the trust nature has confided in
me.

So I warn the exquisite literary critic and the over-polished individual
who prefer fancy phrases to logical ideas, that this work may somewhat
jar their delicate senses of perception.

And having offered these few remarks I shall introduce myself to the
reader. My name is John Convert. The earth is my home and country. All
men are my kin, be they white, black, red, yellow or brown. I was born
somewhere on the Atlantic Ocean between Liverpool and New York while my
parents were emigrating from England to America. My mother died giving
me birth.

Whether or not it was because I first saw the light of day while in a
state of transit that caused me afterwards to acquire a thirst for
travel and adventure I cannot say, but true it is that during my whole
life I have been constantly moving from place to place. Then again my
father was a Methodist preacher and the good Lord ostensibly sent calls
to him from every nook and corner of the United States, for as long as I
can remember he too was continually changing abiding places. In fact, it
seems to me now when I look back that he seldom preached twice from the
same pulpit. Whether this was due to bad preaching or because he had the
courage to tell the good church folk many plain truths concerning
themselves, I know not, but I do know that in many ways my father was a
very good man, and also a very learned man--perhaps a little too learned
to be wise, for, like most great scholars he may have forced so much
book stuff into his brain that he left no room for progressive thoughts
of his own. He was, however, quite unlike many clergymen of the present
time who apparently think and certainly act as if their main work was to
flatter and amuse the women.

My father was straightforward, honest, kind and truthful. He was
dogmatic in his religious beliefs, combative by nature and never happier
than when fighting the Devil in his own corner, as he expressed it.
Furthermore, he was haughty, stubborn and egotistical, and these traits
of character I inherited from him. But while I honestly inherited
combativeness, stubbornness and egotism from my father, these
characteristics became very objectionable to him when displayed by
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