of 1881.

CHAPTER II

Phrenologists after studying the bumps on my head have invariably told
me that I lacked diplomacy. This, as I understand it, simply means an
incapability of acting the hypocrite. And it does seem under the present
system of human existence, that he who fails to practice hypocrisy finds
innumerable obstacles to overcome, which otherwise might be avoided. So,
lacking in this virtue, as diplomacy is sometimes styled, led me into
trouble with nearly everybody with whom I had any dealings. Indeed, had
it not been for this very defect in my nature, I should not have been
forced to pass through the most remarkable life, I think, ever
experienced by living man. And so the ship had barely passed out of the
harbor before I had undiplomatically aroused the enmity of all the other
seamen, and within two weeks I was thoroughly detested by every man
aboard from the captain to the cook. The crew was composed of an
unusually tough set of characters who avowed from the beginning that
they did not like Yankees and would make life insufferable for me before
reaching the next port. Fist fights became frequent and each one of the
sailors took a "punch at my head" at different times, only to learn that
I enjoyed that kind of sport and retaliated in a way that laid the
offender up for repairs afterward. The fact that in these encounters I
always gained an easy victory over my opponents caused a more intense
feeling of bitterness to exist than ever, and to make matters worse the
captain's wife, who was the only woman on the ship, took sides with me
against all the others. This apparently angered the captain, for on one
occasion, after he had given orders to have me put in irons for breaking
one of my shipmate's ribs, and she interceded in my behalf, he became
furious and threatened to have me thrown overboard. This threat,
however, only had the effect of making me more stubborn and defiant. As
a cowboy I had fought Indians and real bad men in the western states of
America, hunted elephants in Africa, tigers in India, and roughed it as
a gold seeker in Australia until I had become hardened against danger
and absolutely fearless, so that a menace against my life did not worry
me in the least. In fact, I really enjoyed the situation and dared the
captain to do his worst.

We had been out of Sydney about four weeks, and although I did not know
the exact latitude and longitude, I imagined we must have been a
considerable di