I had committed the
unpardonable sin, for which I was doomed to eternal punishment, in the
flaming gulf, as soon as life was over!--and how long could I hope to
live? perhaps fifty years; at the end of which I must go to my place; and
then I would count the months and the days, nay, even the hours which yet
intervened between me and my doom. Sometimes I would comfort myself with
the idea that a long time would elapse before my time would be out; but
then again I thought that, however long the term might be, it must be out
at last; and then I would fall into an agony, during which I would almost
wish that the term were out, and that I were in my place; the horrors of
which I thought could scarcely be worse than what I then endured.

"There was one thought about this time which caused me unutterable grief
and shame, perhaps more shame than grief. It was that my father, who was
gone to heaven, and was there daily holding communion with his God, was
by this time aware of my crime. I imagined him looking down from the
clouds upon his wretched son, with a countenance of inexpressible horror.
When this idea was upon me, I would often rush to some secret place to
hide myself; to some thicket, where I would cast myself on the ground,
and thrust my head into a thick bush, in order to escape from the horror-
struck glance of my father above in the clouds; and there I would
continue groaning till the agony had, in some degree, passed away.

"The wretchedness of my state increasing daily, it at last became
apparent to the master of the school, who questioned me earnestly and
affectionately. I, however, gave him no satisfactory answer, being
apprehensive that, if I unbosomed myself, I should become as much an
object of horror to him as I had long been to myself. At length he
suspected that I was unsettled in my intellects; and, fearing probably
the ill effect of my presence upon his scholars, he advised me to go
home; which I was glad to do, as I felt myself every day becoming less
qualified for the duties of the office which I had undertaken.

"So I returned home to my mother and my brother, who received me with the
greatest kindness and affection. I now determined to devote myself to
husbandry, and assist my brother in the business of the farm. I was
still, however, very much distressed. One fine morning, however, as I
was at work in the field, and the birds were carolling around me, a ray
of hope began to break upon my p