force himself to die, to
play some trick on himself which would not permit of any hesitation on
his part, any delay, any possible regrets. He envied condemned criminals
who are led to the scaffold surrounded by soldiers. Oh! if he could only
beg of some one to shoot him; if after confessing his crime to a true
friend who would never divulge it he could procure death at his hand. But
from whom could he ask this terrible service? From whom? He thought of
all the people he knew. The doctor? No, he would talk about it afterward,
most probably. And suddenly a fantastic idea entered his mind. He would
write to the magistrate, who was on terms of close friendship with him,
and would denounce himself as the perpetrator of the crime. He would in
this letter confess everything, revealing how his soul had been tortured,
how he had resolved to die, how he had hesitated about carrying out his
resolution and what means he had employed to strengthen his failing
courage. And in the name of their old friendship he would implore of the
other to destroy the letter as soon as he had ascertained that the
culprit had inflicted justice on himself. Renardet could rely on this
magistrate; he knew him to be true, discreet, incapable of even an idle
word. He was one of those men who have an inflexible conscience,
governed, directed, regulated by their reason alone.

Scarcely had he formed this project when a strange feeling of joy took
possession of his heart. He was calm now. He would write his letter
slowly, then at daybreak he would deposit it in the box nailed to the
outside wall of his office; then he would ascend his tower to watch for
the postman's arrival; and when the man in the blue blouse had gone away,
he would cast himself head foremost on the rocks on which the foundations
rested, He would take care to be seen first by the workmen who had cut
down his wood. He could climb to the projecting stone which bore the
flagstaff displayed on festivals, He would smash this pole with a shake
and carry it along with him as he fell.

Who would suspect that it was not an accident? And he would be killed
outright, owing to his weight and the height of the tower.

Presently he got out of bed, went over to the table and began to write.
He omitted nothing, not a single detail of the crime, not a single detail
of the torments of his heart, and he ended by announcing that he had
passed sentence on himself, that he was going to execute the criminal,