s at high-water mark, and in
being fretful and reproachful when she is not.

But to return to "schoolgirl friendships." When you go out into society
you may perhaps want to make private jokes among your friends, or to talk
privately to them instead of helping in general conversation, and you may
feel "I have nothing much to contribute to the general stock; why
shouldn't I enjoy myself? it's very hard I should be so severely
criticized for bad manners if I do." But if you look into any such matter,
you are sure to find that bad manners are bad Christianity. There is a
want of self-restraint in this schoolgirlishness; and you ought not to be
able to pick out a pair of great friends in general society, not merely
because, if you could, it would show them to be absurd and underbred, but
because it would mean that others were made to feel "left out." Have you
ever had some violent friendship--or laughed at it in others--which meant
running in and out of each other's houses at all hours--being
inseparable--quoting your friend, till your brothers exclaimed at her very
name--and making all your family feel that they ranked nowhere in
comparison with her? In this matter of home and friends conflicting, I
quite see the point of view of some: "My family don't give me the sympathy
and help that my friend does--they always tease or scold if I come to them
in a difficulty, and yet they are vexed and jealous when I find a friend
who can and will help."

I do not say, Cut yourself off from your friend,--she is sent by God to
help you; but, Remember to feel for your Mother;--see how natural and
loving her jealousy is, and spare it by constant tact--instead of being a
martyr, feel that it is _she_, and not _you_, who is ill-used. And in all
ways, never let outside affections interfere with home ones. It is the
great difference between them, that outside, self-chosen affections burn
all the stronger for repression and self-restraint; while home ones burn
stronger for each act of attention to them and expression of them; _e.g._
postponing a visit to a friend for a walk with a brother will make both
loves stronger, and _vice versa_,--and your friendship will last all the
longer because you consume your own smoke. Dr. Carpenter says that signs
of love wear out the feeling;--every now and then they strengthen it, but
their frequency shows weakness. Friendships are God-given ties when they
are real, but inseparable ones are mostly only follies