ldn't be
a very long job numberin' all the 'airs on _your_ 'ed, cert'nly!
(_Severely, as one reproaching him for carelessness_.) You _'ave_ been
losin' your 'air! Puts me in mind of what the poet says in _'Amlet_.
"Oh, what a fallin' off!" if you'll excuse _me_, Sir!

_The B.C._ (_with a sensitive squirm_). Oh, don't apologise--I'm
_used_ to it, you know!

_The S.A._ Ah, Sir, they do say the wind's tempered to the shorn lamb
so as he can't see 'imself as other's see 'im. But what _you_ ought
to 'ave is a little toopy. Make 'em so as you couldn't tell it from
natural 'air nowadays!

[_The Bald Customer feebly declines this meretricious
adornment._

_The Loq. Ass._ (_to his subject_). Know Mr. PARIS PATTERTON of the
Proscenium Theatre, Sir? 'E's 'ad to call in our Guv'nor, Sir. 'Is
'air's comin, off, Sir, dreadful, Sir. The Guv'nor's been tryin' a noo
wash on his 'ed.

_The Gr. C._ Ha, poor beggar! Wash doing it any good?

_The Loq. Ass._ (_demurely_). That I can't tell you, Sir; but it 'as a
very agreeable perfume.

_The S.A._ I think I've taken off about as much as you can _spare_,
Sir!

_The Gr. C._ (_with a note of triumph_). Look here, you know, there's
a lot more to come off here--won't be missed, eh?

_The Loq. Ass._ No, Sir, you've an uncommon thick 'ed--of _'air_, I
mean, of course!

_The S.A._ If you'll take my advice, you'll 'ave yours singed, Sir.

_The B.C._ (_dejectedly_). Why, think it's any use?

_The S.A._ No doubt of that, Sir. Look at the way they singe a
_'orse's_ legs. [_The Bald Customer yields, convinced by this
argument._

_The Gr. C._ No singeing or any nonsense of that sort for _me_, mind!

[_They are shampooed simultaneously._

_The B.C._ (_piteously, from his basin_). Th--that's c-cold enough,
thanks!

_The Gr. C._ (_aggressively from his_). Here, colder than _that_--as
cold as you can make it--_I_ don't care!

_The B.C._ (_drying his face meekly on a towel_). A--a _hand_-brush,
please, _not_ the machine!

_The S.A._ No, Sir, machine-brush would about sweep all the 'air _off_
your 'ed, Sir!

_The Gr. C._ Machinery for me--and your hardest brush, do you hear?

_The Loq. Ass._ { _(together, to_ {Shall I put anything on
_The S.A._ {_their respective_ { your 'ed, Sir?
{ _patients_.) {Like anything on your
{ 'air, Sir?

_The S.A._ Well, you may as well keep what little you