erfection;
Is it BORROW or "FITZ,"
_The Times_ or _Tit Bits_?
And how should we make our selection?

Once on NEWMAN and FROUDE
We were bidden to brood
If we aimed at distinction and purity;
And, when we escaped
From their influence, aped
GEORGE MEREDITH'S vivid obscurity.

The remarkable style
Of old THOMAS CARLYLE
Found many a lover and hater;
And precious young men
Who made play with the pen
Were devoted disciples of PATER.

But these idols we've burned
And have latterly learned
That "distinction"'s an utter delusion;
For if you would aim
At a popular fame
You must cultivate "vim" or effusion.

JOSEPH CONRAD (a Pole)
Some place on the whole
At the top of the tree for his diction;
But his style, I opine,
Is a little too fine
For the average reader of fiction.

If you can't be a WELLS,
Or aspire to Miss DELL'S
Impassioned and fervid variety,
You still may attain
To CHARLES GARVICE'S strain
And leaven Romance with propriety.

For democracy shies
At the artist who tries
To express himself subtly or darkly;
And the man in the street
In a fair plebiscite
Would probably crown Mrs. BARCLAY.

* * * * *

Extract from a sermon:--

"We meet here to-day under circumstances which are not
ordinary ... We seem to hear 'the sound of a gong in
the tops of the mulberry trees.'"--_The Record_.

This must be some air-raid warning by the rural police.

* * * * *

"On the roads near by 'a Verdun' signposts have been
replaced by new ones reading 'A Glorieux Verdun.' The
name of France herself might well be altered to
'Glorieux France.'"--_Canadian Paper_.

_Vive le France!_

* * * * *

From a report of the British Cotton-growing Association:--

"The negotiations with the Government for the development
of the irritation scheme for the Gezira plain are still
under consideration."--_The Field_.

We trust we shall hear no more of this vexatious project.

* * * * *

A lodging-house keeper at Whitby
Saw a couple of Zeppelins flit by;
Though she felt a sharp sting,
It's a curious thing
That she never knew which she was hit by.

* *