than I already
am. Your father, he . . . if he were still alive, for your sake I would
crawl to him on my knees, and say: 'Here I am, forgive me'--but he is
dead. Pasquale, Zorrillo lives; do not think me a vain, deluded woman;
Zorrillo cannot bear to have me leave him. . . ."

"And my father? He bore it. But do you know how? Shall I describe his
life to you?"

"No, no! Oh, child, how you torture me! I know how I sinned against your
father, the thought does not cease to torture me, for he truly loved me,
and I loved him, too, loved him tenderly. But I cannot keep quiet a long
time, and cast down my eyes, like the women there, it is not in my blood;
and Adam shut me up in a cage and for many years let me see nothing
except himself, and the cold, stupid city in the ravine by the forest.
One day a fierce longing came upon me, I could not help going
forth--forth into the wide world, no matter with whom or whither. The
soldier only needed to hint and I fell.--I did not stay with him long, he
was a windy braggart; but I was faithful to Captain Grandgagnage and
accompanied the wild fellow with the Walloons through every land, until
he was shot. Then ten years ago, I joined Zorrillo; he is my friend, he
shares my feelings, I am necessary to his existence. Do not laugh,
Ulrich; I well know that youth lies behind me, that I am old, yet
Pasquale loves me; since I have had him, I have been more content and,
Holy Virgin! now--I love him in return. Oh, Heaven! Oh, Heaven! Why is it
so? This heart, this miserable heart, still throbs as fast as it did
twenty years ago."

"You will not leave him?"

"No, no, I love him, and I know why. Every one calls him a brave man, yet
they only half know him; no one knows him wholly as I do. No one else is
so good, so generous. You must let me speak! Do you suppose I ever forgot
you? Never, never! But you have always been to me the dear little boy; I
never thought of you as a man, and since I could not have you and longed
so greatly for you, for a child, I opened my heart to the soldiers'
orphans, the little creature you saw in the tent is one of these poor
things, I have often had two or three such babies at the same time. It
would have been an abomination to Grandgagnage, but Zorrillo rejoices in
my love for children, and I have given what the Walloon bequeathed me and
his own booty to the soldiers' widows and the little naked babies in the
camp. He was satisfied, for whatever I do pleases him.