ht
low. The craving for those joys of the world which she tried to teach me
to scorn, is strong within me. I was born to sin; and now as matters
stand they must remain. A wight such as I am, who shoots through life
like a wild hawk, cannot pause nor think until a shaft has broken his
wings. The bitter fate which bids me part from Ann has stricken me thus,
and now I can only look back and into my own soul; and the fairer, the
sweeter, the loftier is she whom I have lost, the darker and more vile,
meseemeth, is all I discover in myself.

"Yet, or ever I cast behind me all that was pure and noble, righteous and
truly blissful, I hold up the mirror to my own sinful face, and will
bring, myself to show to you, my Margery, the hideous countenance I
behold therein.

"I will not cloke nor spare myself in anything; and yet, at this hour,
which finds me sober and at home, having quitted my fellows betimes this
night, I verily believe that I might have done well, and not ill, and
what was pleasing in the sight of God, and in yours, my Margery, and in
the eyes of Ann and of all righteous folk, if only some other hand had
had the steering of my life's bark.

"Margery, we are orphans; and there is nothing a man needs so much, in
the years while he is still unripe and unsure of himself, as a master
whom he must revere in fear or in love. And we--I--Margery, what was my
grand-uncle to me?

"You and I again are of one blood and so near in age that, albeit one may
counsel the other, it is scarce to be hoped that I should take your
judgment, or you mine, without cavil.

"Then Cousin Maud! With all the mother's love she has ever shown us, all
I did was right in her eyes; and herein doubtless lies the difference
between a true mother, who brought us with travail into the world, and a
loving foster-mother, who fears to turn our hearts from her by harshness;
but the true mother punishes her children wherein she deems it good,
inasmuch as she is sure of their love. My cousin's love was great indeed,
but her strictness towards me was too small. Out of sheer love, when I
went to the High School she kept my purse filled; then, as I grew older,
our uncle did likewise, though for other reasons; and now that I have
redenied Ann, to do his pleasure, I loathe myself. Nay, more and more
since I am raised to such fortune as thousands may envy me; inasmuch as
my granduncle purposes to make me his heir by form of law. Last night,
when I came home wi