lone was with him, as with me, an obstacle in the
way of confessing it. Yes, I have even made verses on that subject--and
those, I think, not the worst I have written.

"Mine is a singular position! If I love, I am ridiculous; if any love
me, he is still more ridiculous. How did I come so to forget that, as to
have suffered and to suffer what I do?--But blessed be that suffering,
since it has not engendered hate--no; for I will not hate this girl--I
will Perform a sister's part to the last; I will follow the guidance of
my heart; I have the instinct of preserving others--my heart will lead
and enlighten me. My only fear is, that I shall burst into tears when
I see her, and not be able to conquer my emotion. Oh, then! what
a revelation to Agricola--a discovery of the mad love he has
inspired!--Oh, never! the day in which he knew that would be the last of
my life. There would then be within me something stronger than duty--the
longing to escape from shame--that incurable shame, that burns me like a
hot iron. No, no; I will be calm. Besides, did I not just now, when
with him bear courageously a terrible trial? I will be calm. My personal
feelings must not darken the second sight, so clear for those I love.
Oh! painful--painful task! for the fear of yielding involuntarily to
evil sentiments must not render me too indulgent toward this girl. I
might compromise Agricola's happiness, since my decision is to guide his
choice. Poor creature that I am. How I deceive myself! Agricola asks my
advice, because he thinks that I shall have not the melancholy courage
to oppose his passion; or else he would say to me: 'No matter--I love;
and I brave the future!'

"But then, if my advice, if the instincts of my heart, are not to guide
him--if his resolution is taken beforehand--of what use will be
to morrow's painful mission? Of what use? To obey him. Did he not
say--'Come!' In thinking of my devotion for him, how many times, in the
secret depths of my heart, I have asked myself if the thought had ever
occurred to him to love me otherwise than as a sister; if it had ever
struck him, what a devoted wife he would have in me! And why should
it have occurred to him? As long as he wished, as long as he may still
wish, I have been, and I shall be, as devoted to him, as if I were his
wife, sister, or mother. Why should he desire what he already possesses?

"Married to him--oh, God!--the dream is mad as ineffable. Are not such
thoughts of celes