ile I have really had an inclination to them. I have often almost
choked myself to restrain from laughing at a jest, and (which was
perhaps to myself the least hurtful of all my hypocrisy) have heartily
enjoyed a book in my closet which I have spoken with detestation of in
public. To sum up my history in short, as I had few adventures worth
remembering, my whole life was one constant lie; and happy would it have
been for me if I could as thoroughly have imposed on myself as I did on
others: for reflection, at every turn, would often remind me I was
not so wise as people thought me; and this considerably embittered the
pleasure I received from the public commendation of my wisdom. This
self-admonition, like a memento mori or mortalis es, must be, in my
opinion, a very dangerous enemy to flattery: indeed, a weight sufficient
to counterbalance all the false praise of the world. But whether it be
that the generality of wise men do not reflect at all, or whether they
have, from a constant imposition on others, contracted such a habit of
deceit as to deceive themselves, I will not determine: it is, I believe,
most certain that very few wise men know themselves what fools they are,
more than the world doth. Good gods! could one but see what passes in
the closet of wisdom! how ridiculous a sight must it be to behold the
wise man, who despises gratifying his palate, devouring custard; the
sober wise man with his dram-bottle; or, the anti-carnalist (if I may
be allowed the expression) chuckling over a b--dy book or picture, and
perhaps caressing his house-maid!

"But to conclude a character in which I apprehend I made as absurd a
figure as in any in which I trod the stage of earth, my wisdom at last
but an end to itself, that is, occasioned my dissolution.

"A relation of mine in the eastern part of the empire disinherited his
son, and left me his heir. This happened in the depth of winter, when
I was in my grand climacteric, and had just recovered of a dangerous
disease. As I had all the reason imaginable to apprehend the family of
the deceased would conspire against me, and embezzle as much as they
could, I advised with a grave and wise friend what was proper to be
done; whether I should go myself, or employ a notary on this occasion,
and defer my journey to the spring. To say the truth, I was most
inclined to the latter; the rather as my circumstances were extremely
flourishing, as I was advanced in years, and had not one pers