st I recovered from this dream of grandeur, and begged him, by all
the most endearing names I could think of, not to urge me dishonorably
to forsake the man who I was convinced would raise me to an empire if in
his power, and who had enough in his power to give me all I desired. But
he was deaf to all I could say, and insisted that by next week I should
prepare myself to go to court: he bid me consider of it, and not prefer
a ridiculous notion of honor to the real interest of my whole family;
but, above all things, not to disclose what he had trusted me with. On
which he left me to my own thoughts. When I was alone I reflected how
little real tenderness this behavior showed to me, whose happiness he
did not at all consult, but only looked on me as a ladder, on which
he could climb to the height of his own ambitious desires: and when
I thought on his fondness for me in my infancy I could impute it to
nothing but either the liking me as a plaything or the gratification of
his vanity in my beauty. But I was too much divided between a crown and
my engagement to lord Percy to spend much time in thinking of anything
else; and, although my father had positively forbid me, yet, when he
came next, I could not help acquainting him with all that had passed,
with the reserve only of the struggle in my own mind on the first
mention of being a queen. I expected he would have received the news
with the greatest agonies; but he showed no vast emotion: however, he
could not help turning pale, and, taking me by the hand, looked at me
with an air of tenderness, and said, 'If being a queen would make you
happy, and it is in your power to be so, I would not for the world
prevent it, let me suffer what I will.' This amazing greatness of mind
had on me quite the contrary effect from what it ought to have had; for,
instead of increasing my love for him it almost put an end to it, and I
began to think, if he could part with me, the matter was not much. And
I am convinced, when any man gives up the possession of a woman whose
consent he has once obtained, let his motive be ever so generous, he
will disoblige her. I could not help showing my dissatisfaction, and
told him I was very glad this affair sat so easily on him. He had
not power to answer, but was so suddenly struck with this unexpected
ill-natured turn I gave his behavior, that he stood amazed for some
time, and then bowed and left me. Now I was again left to my own
reflections; but to mak