ing to do with San Francisco and her merry maidens, her
strong, swaggering men, and her wealth of gold and pride. They bore
me to a banquet in honor of a brave lieutenant--Carlin, of the
"Vandalia"--who stuck by his ship in the great cyclone at Apia and
comported himself as an officer should. On that occasion--'twas at the
Bohemian Club--I heard oratory with the roundest of o's, and devoured a
dinner the memory of which will descend with me into the hungry grave.

There were about forty speeches delivered, and not one of them was
average or ordinary. It was my first introduction to the American eagle
screaming for all it was worth. The lieutenant's heroism served as a peg
from which the silver-tongued ones turned themselves loose and kicked.

They ransacked the clouds of sunset, the thunderbolts of heaven, the
deeps of hell, and the splendor of the resurrection for tropes and
metaphors, and hurled the result at the head of the guest of the
evening.

Never since the morning stars sung together for joy, I learned, had an
amazed creation witnessed such superhuman bravery as that displayed
by the American navy in the Samoa cyclone. Till earth rotted in the
phosphorescent star-and-stripe slime of a decayed universe, that
god-like gallantry would not be forgotten. I grieve that I cannot give
the exact words. My attempt at reproducing their spirit is pale
and inadequate. I sat bewildered on a coruscating Niagara of
blatherum-skite. It was magnificent--it was stupendous--and I was
conscious of a wicked desire to hide my face in a napkin and grin.
Then, according to rule, they produced their dead, and across the snowy
tablecloths dragged the corpse of every man slain in the Civil War, and
hurled defiance at "our natural enemy" (England, so please you), "with
her chain of fortresses across the world." Thereafter they glorified
their nation afresh from the beginning, in case any detail should have
been overlooked, and that made me uncomfortable for their sakes. How in
the world can a white man, a sahib, of our blood, stand up and plaster
praise on his own country? He can think as highly as he likes, but this
open-mouthed vehemence of adoration struck me almost as indelicate. My
hosts talked for rather more than three hours, and at the end seemed
ready for three hours more.

But when the lieutenant--such a big, brave, gentle giant--rose to his
feet, he delivered what seemed to me as the speech of the evening.
I remember nearly