possibly make your son behave a
little better occasionally? Just as a change.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I regret to say, Miss Chiltern, that I have no influence
at all over my son. I wish I had. If I had, I know what I would make
him do.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am afraid that he has one of those terribly weak
natures that are not susceptible to influence.

LORD CAVERSHAM. He is very heartless, very heartless.

LORD GORING. It seems to me that I am a little in the way here.

MABEL CHILTERN. It is very good for you to be in the way, and to know
what people say of you behind your back.

LORD GORING. I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my
back. It makes me far too conceited.

LORD CAVERSHAM. After that, my dear, I really must bid you good morning.

MABEL CHILTERN. Oh! I hope you are not going to leave me all alone with
Lord Goring? Especially at such an early hour in the day.

LORD CAVERSHAM. I am afraid I can't take him with me to Downing Street.
It is not the Prime Minster's day for seeing the unemployed.

[_Shakes hands with_ MABEL CHILTERN, _takes up his hat and stick_, _and
goes out_, _with a parting glare of indignation at_ LORD GORING.]

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Takes up roses and begins to arrange them in a bowl on
the table_.] People who don't keep their appointments in the Park are
horrid.

LORD GORING. Detestable.

MABEL CHILTERN. I am glad you admit it. But I wish you wouldn't look so
pleased about it.

LORD GORING. I can't help it. I always look pleased when I am with you.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Sadly_.] Then I suppose it is my duty to remain with
you?

LORD GORING. Of course it is.

MABEL CHILTERN. Well, my duty is a thing I never do, on principle. It
always depresses me. So I am afraid I must leave you.

LORD GORING. Please don't, Miss Mabel. I have something very particular
to say to you.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_Rapturously_.] Oh! is it a proposal?

LORD GORING. [_Somewhat taken aback_.] Well, yes, it is--I am bound to
say it is.

MABEL CHILTERN. [_With a sigh of pleasure_.] I am so glad. That makes
the second to-day.

LORD GORING. [_Indignantly_.] The second to-day? What conceited ass
has been impertinent enough to dare to propose to you before I had
proposed to you?

MABEL CHILTERN. Tommy Trafford, of course. It is one of Tommy's days
for proposing. He always proposes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, during the
Season.

LORD GORING. You didn't acc