than the ages o' witnesses hae wi' their
evidence. Bein born in the usual way, in the usual way was I
christened--(_Anglice_, baptised); but hereon hangs a tale, or rather a
dizzen o' them. My faither's name was Willie Smith, my paternal
grandfather's name was Willie Smith, I had an uncle whase name was
Willie Smith, an' twa cousins whase names were Willie Smith; an' it was
determined that I should be a Willie Smith too, in order, I suppose, to
mak sure o' perpetuatin that very rare an' euphonious family name. But,
oh, that they had ca'ed me Nebuchadnezzar, or Fynmackowl, or
Chrononhotonthologos, or ony name in the sma'est degree distinctive, an'
no that confounded ane, that seems to me to belang to every third man I
meet. It wad hae saved me a world o' misery, an' disappointment, an'
suffering o' a' sorts. It's just incredible the mischief that simple
circumstance has wrought me--I mean, the ca'in me Willie Smith. It may
appear, I dare say, a harmless aneuch thing to you, guid reader, but, my
feth, ca' ye yersel Willie Smith just for ae twelvemonth, an' ye'll find
it's nae such joke as ye may think, especially if there be half-a-dizzen
o' Willie Smiths leevin in the same street wi' ye; whilk is a' but
certain to be the case, gang to where ye like. I ken I could never get
oot o' their neighbourhood, an' mony a shift an' change I hae made for
that express purpose. I maun confess, however, that the name's no
a'thegither without its advantages. Mony a scrape I hae got skaithless
oot o', when I was a boy, in consequence o' its frequency. In the first
schule I was at, there war three Willie Smiths, besides me, an' it was
thus almost impossible, in many cases, to ascertain which was the real
delinquent when mischief had been perpetrated; an' the result was, that
the wrang Willie Smith was as often punished as the right ane; but as I,
of course, was frequently in the former predicament, I am no sure that,
if the account were fairly balanced, I wad be found to hae been a great
gainer after a'. Latterly, however, I certainly was not; for the
maister, finding the difficulty o' distinguishing between the Smiths,
an' that the course o' justice was thus interrupted, at last adopted the
sure plan o' whippin a' the Willie Smiths thegither, whenever any one o'
the unfortunate name was charged wi' ony transgression. We were thus
incorporated, as it were, rolled into one, and dealt wi' accordingly, in
a' cases o' punishment.

My schule d